Yesterday, I was able to spend some time with my family. It was my cousins 40th birthday and it was so nice to show up and see her get emotional. I really have come to appreciate my family through these hard times.
I got to have a couple nice long talks with my Aunt Peach and I have to say that the more we talk the more I am at peace with the chaos that is in our lives right now.
Dad had a very hard day yesterday, and after the long drive to Hagerstown, they ended up going back home after a couple hours. I worry about how much this round of Chemo is taking out of him. It seems that a good quality of life is non-existent at this point. He seems to be getting worse off by the week.
I know Mom is getting drained as well. I miss the times that we were able to just get away at the shore and enjoy time. I have to keep focused on the good times and being there for my parents in any way imaginable.
One good thing I saw yesterday, was when my Aunt Peach and I were talking in the kitchen, My brother came in and ended up in the conversation too. I got to see him get a little emotional for an change. It was good to see since he has been more focused on being the strong one in the family. We talked about knowing that God has a plan and reason for what we are going through right now. My Brother brought up that if just one person comes to God because of this it would be worth it. I really felt the Holy Spirit working on my brother.
I know that God works in His own way. His plans are way beyond our comprehension. We just have to keep trusting in that plan.
Lord,
I want to thank you for bringing my family together yesterday. It was hard to see Dad struggle. Please continue to be with him and strengthen him. If it is your will Lord, I ask that you heal him. Be with my family in a special way today. Continue to give us your strength through these hard times. We need you to shine through each of us. I thank you for giving us each new day.
I love You,
Brie!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Adjustment time...
When God works in your life, you have to be prepared for life to change quickly and drastically. Most of the time things change and it takes some time to get used to the changes. I think that is the period that I am going through now.
There are going to be aspects of my life that are going to change in the next few weeks. It's going to take time for me to adjust to these changes. I have not worked a 9 to 5 job for over a year. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared.
This is a time where I'll have to rely on God to keep guiding and helping me through each day. He knows the challenges that I will go through. He knows the support that I'm going to need along the way.
I'm glad that God knows my needs before they come up. I am glad that God has given me friends to help me get through each day. I am glad that God has given me a supportive family.
The one thing that I need to do is continue to rely on God through the good times. When I became employed before and things became comfortable, I began to rely on myself. I have to keep my focus on God. He will work things out for me. I need to remind myself each day that God is taking care of my needs and burdens. He has them under his control. He does not need me to do anything but trust in Him.
When I take things back into my hands and start trusting in myself, it means that I am not trusting solely in God. When we do not trust in God, He does not always allow us to have all of the blessings that He could give us.
Numbers 20:6-12 NIV
Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
When Moses struck the rock, he was not trusting in God. Even though God still gave the Israelites a blessing, He did not allow Moses to complete the journey. God had a better idea in store for Moses, but because Moses did not trust, that life changed. It was cut short. Moses never was able to see the end result of his work.
How many times do we stop trusting and expect God to still come through with blessings? Do we expect the best from life even through we are not following and trusting in God? In order for us to live within God's plan, we have to trust in Him 24/7.
Lord,
Please give me the strength and conviction to keep focused on my relationship with You. I know that You have a wonderful plan for me that is much better than I could even imagine. Please be with my prayer requests, especially my Parents and R. I praise you for giving us some good days with Dad. It is so good to see him doing better.
I love You!
Brie!
There are going to be aspects of my life that are going to change in the next few weeks. It's going to take time for me to adjust to these changes. I have not worked a 9 to 5 job for over a year. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared.
This is a time where I'll have to rely on God to keep guiding and helping me through each day. He knows the challenges that I will go through. He knows the support that I'm going to need along the way.
I'm glad that God knows my needs before they come up. I am glad that God has given me friends to help me get through each day. I am glad that God has given me a supportive family.
The one thing that I need to do is continue to rely on God through the good times. When I became employed before and things became comfortable, I began to rely on myself. I have to keep my focus on God. He will work things out for me. I need to remind myself each day that God is taking care of my needs and burdens. He has them under his control. He does not need me to do anything but trust in Him.
When I take things back into my hands and start trusting in myself, it means that I am not trusting solely in God. When we do not trust in God, He does not always allow us to have all of the blessings that He could give us.
Numbers 20:6-12 NIV
Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
When Moses struck the rock, he was not trusting in God. Even though God still gave the Israelites a blessing, He did not allow Moses to complete the journey. God had a better idea in store for Moses, but because Moses did not trust, that life changed. It was cut short. Moses never was able to see the end result of his work.
How many times do we stop trusting and expect God to still come through with blessings? Do we expect the best from life even through we are not following and trusting in God? In order for us to live within God's plan, we have to trust in Him 24/7.
Lord,
Please give me the strength and conviction to keep focused on my relationship with You. I know that You have a wonderful plan for me that is much better than I could even imagine. Please be with my prayer requests, especially my Parents and R. I praise you for giving us some good days with Dad. It is so good to see him doing better.
I love You!
Brie!
Monday, September 22, 2008
I GOT A JOB!
How quickly a day can change. I've never cried so much in my life. God really came through with the GWU job! I still can not believe that it is true! I don't start until October 5th, but I'm so excited I'm sure I won't mind waiting.
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just Another Manic Monday?
Once again Monday has brought my life to a strange place. Actually it started last night talking with Mom and finding out that Dad's nausea and vomiting has returned. It happened through Saturday and Sunday nights.
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Up and down!
Why is it whenever I feel like I make a few steps forward, I take even more backwards? I give my problems over to the Lord, only to take them back. It seems like I do this over and over again.
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Focusing on the blessings!
The last day has really been testing my strength. Through it all I have friends and family worried about me. Seems like everything just came to a head and reality struck once again.
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Lost in ourselves...
I'm not even sure how to start this blog posting. Once in a while a startling event comes into play that changes your outlook. That is exactly what happened today. It changed a lot of my point of view and has started me questioning.
Last night, I was out with some friends at a restaurant and it was Kid's night. As much as I like kids, it slightly annoyed me and kind of put me into a reflective state. The kids were bouncing all around and being crazy with the musician that was there specifically for them. If I had a partner and children it would have been great, but I don't.
So after we left I got into a mood that really set me into a selfish phase. The whole thing made me miss R a lot. While he was here we had a lot of good times. I felt the companionship that I do feel is lacking in my life. I though about how good R was with my friend Janice's son, Nick. I really got selfish and was feeling sorry for myself that I did not have that. It plagued me throughout the evening and into the night.
My mind was busy imagining how family life would be like. Spending time with other couples and with family. I could see what I once again want in my life. I thought about the joy that my having a family would bring to my parents. I also missed the companionship that R had brought into my life. I cried a bit. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like my life will never get to that point and how unfair that is for me. I felt sorry for myself.
This morning I saw R online, I've been keeping a lot of my personal feelings involving him to myself, so that we can preserve our friendship. Almost immediately he told me that his partner's mother is not going to make it. I was shocked about the news. I knew she had surgery last Friday, but thought everything was fine. I immediately felt guilty for my feelings the night before. I tried my best to give R encouragement and support. I let him know that I am here if he needs me.
Afterward, I texted a few people to have them pray for the family. I really was feeling guilty for my thoughts of the night before, so I went and walked. During my walk I worked through a lot of my guilt and selfishness. I had to lay my feelings down for God to take, so that I could be there for my friend. I know that God wants R to be there at this time and I am to help support him through the hard times.
As I was just finishing my walk I got a text that she had passed. I reminded him that God is working in his life. Just keep trusting in God and he will see you through. I also sent him my blog posting on strength.
I know that times will be hard with them, but I pray that God will surround them, protect them and comfort them.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 91:11
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Lord,
Please be with R, his partner and family. I know that death is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Give them the strength they need to deal with the changes in their lives. Have your angels surround them and comfort them. Also Lord, I pray that you remove the selfishness from my heart and renew your strength within me so I can support my friend. Be with my family as we still go through hard times. Bless Mom and Dad in a special way today. We are all homesick to be home with you Lord. Please keep us all longing for that day.
I love You!
Brie!
Last night, I was out with some friends at a restaurant and it was Kid's night. As much as I like kids, it slightly annoyed me and kind of put me into a reflective state. The kids were bouncing all around and being crazy with the musician that was there specifically for them. If I had a partner and children it would have been great, but I don't.
So after we left I got into a mood that really set me into a selfish phase. The whole thing made me miss R a lot. While he was here we had a lot of good times. I felt the companionship that I do feel is lacking in my life. I though about how good R was with my friend Janice's son, Nick. I really got selfish and was feeling sorry for myself that I did not have that. It plagued me throughout the evening and into the night.
My mind was busy imagining how family life would be like. Spending time with other couples and with family. I could see what I once again want in my life. I thought about the joy that my having a family would bring to my parents. I also missed the companionship that R had brought into my life. I cried a bit. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like my life will never get to that point and how unfair that is for me. I felt sorry for myself.
This morning I saw R online, I've been keeping a lot of my personal feelings involving him to myself, so that we can preserve our friendship. Almost immediately he told me that his partner's mother is not going to make it. I was shocked about the news. I knew she had surgery last Friday, but thought everything was fine. I immediately felt guilty for my feelings the night before. I tried my best to give R encouragement and support. I let him know that I am here if he needs me.
Afterward, I texted a few people to have them pray for the family. I really was feeling guilty for my thoughts of the night before, so I went and walked. During my walk I worked through a lot of my guilt and selfishness. I had to lay my feelings down for God to take, so that I could be there for my friend. I know that God wants R to be there at this time and I am to help support him through the hard times.
As I was just finishing my walk I got a text that she had passed. I reminded him that God is working in his life. Just keep trusting in God and he will see you through. I also sent him my blog posting on strength.
I know that times will be hard with them, but I pray that God will surround them, protect them and comfort them.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 91:11
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Lord,
Please be with R, his partner and family. I know that death is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Give them the strength they need to deal with the changes in their lives. Have your angels surround them and comfort them. Also Lord, I pray that you remove the selfishness from my heart and renew your strength within me so I can support my friend. Be with my family as we still go through hard times. Bless Mom and Dad in a special way today. We are all homesick to be home with you Lord. Please keep us all longing for that day.
I love You!
Brie!
Monday, September 15, 2008
What a difference a week makes!
Well once again I am feeling like I am on the upswing of the down that I experienced last week. I have had a week of uncertainty in so many areas of my life that I had to just cling onto God's promise to watch over and protect me.
Reflecting over the past week I can see the strength that God has built into me. Strength that I have no power over. Strength that I can not make stronger, because it is given from God. A week ago I was crying and could not fall asleep. Tonight, I am riding high on God's promises to take care of me.
What changed?
Early in the day today, God gave me my first bit of good news. At the appointment with the Oncologist this morning my parents found out that Dad does not show any signs of having the cancer in his Brain. Now he does still have cancer through many area of his body and the Doctor keeps reminding us that it is not curable. I know that if it had been in his brain, Dad would have been on a much shorter road. Thank you, Lord for looking out for him all the time. I praise you for ever extra minute that you allow my father to be still in our lives.
A little later, I was talking with R online. We were having a good supportive chat praising God for giving us good news with Dad. The piece of the conversation that really hit home is that R said "I miss our chats and miss you too." I was very happy to see this because I have been trying so hard to not down his relationship and be supportive, and yet it kept feeling he was somewhat cold and distant. I was even more amazed when he later said that he even told his partner that he missed me. I think this is the beginning of some real healing in our friendship and hopefully his relationship. I know it is hard for his partner to accept him having a close friend like me that is not sure that their relationship is healthy, but I have decided to trust R's view of it an support him in his decision. Thank you, Lord for giving me a glimpse of a friendship that I cherish. I praise you for helping keep R in my life.
Then when I was chatting with S about the job at GWU, she said that the contact for the job stopped by her office today just to clarify some information from Friday. She informed her that I was one of two candidates left for the Accounting Analyst position. I had been a bit discouraged because S had told me Friday that she had said there were some very qualified applicants. Lord, I am yielding to your will on the job front. If it is your will for me to have this position help me to say the words that you would want for them to hear. I praise you, Lord for taking me step by step through this process, building my faith along the way.
So each of the hard times of last week are looking up. God is GOOD!! He is caring and looks out for us every day. All we have to do is let go.
Here is a song that I heard on the radio last week that is quickly becoming the theme song of my life right now, because I am learning that God will work it all out for me if I just let go!
Lord,
I praise you for all of the changes that I have been through in the last week. I know that all of them had your hand in them and I can see you guiding my life. Though I sometimes question the decisions, I know that it will all work out. I ask that you be with me as I step through the trials of this week. Guide my each and every step, and remind me to let go. Be with Mom and Dad in a special way tonight. Comfort them and continue to show your love and support.
I love you,
Brie!
Reflecting over the past week I can see the strength that God has built into me. Strength that I have no power over. Strength that I can not make stronger, because it is given from God. A week ago I was crying and could not fall asleep. Tonight, I am riding high on God's promises to take care of me.
What changed?
Early in the day today, God gave me my first bit of good news. At the appointment with the Oncologist this morning my parents found out that Dad does not show any signs of having the cancer in his Brain. Now he does still have cancer through many area of his body and the Doctor keeps reminding us that it is not curable. I know that if it had been in his brain, Dad would have been on a much shorter road. Thank you, Lord for looking out for him all the time. I praise you for ever extra minute that you allow my father to be still in our lives.
A little later, I was talking with R online. We were having a good supportive chat praising God for giving us good news with Dad. The piece of the conversation that really hit home is that R said "I miss our chats and miss you too." I was very happy to see this because I have been trying so hard to not down his relationship and be supportive, and yet it kept feeling he was somewhat cold and distant. I was even more amazed when he later said that he even told his partner that he missed me. I think this is the beginning of some real healing in our friendship and hopefully his relationship. I know it is hard for his partner to accept him having a close friend like me that is not sure that their relationship is healthy, but I have decided to trust R's view of it an support him in his decision. Thank you, Lord for giving me a glimpse of a friendship that I cherish. I praise you for helping keep R in my life.
Then when I was chatting with S about the job at GWU, she said that the contact for the job stopped by her office today just to clarify some information from Friday. She informed her that I was one of two candidates left for the Accounting Analyst position. I had been a bit discouraged because S had told me Friday that she had said there were some very qualified applicants. Lord, I am yielding to your will on the job front. If it is your will for me to have this position help me to say the words that you would want for them to hear. I praise you, Lord for taking me step by step through this process, building my faith along the way.
So each of the hard times of last week are looking up. God is GOOD!! He is caring and looks out for us every day. All we have to do is let go.
Here is a song that I heard on the radio last week that is quickly becoming the theme song of my life right now, because I am learning that God will work it all out for me if I just let go!
Lord,
I praise you for all of the changes that I have been through in the last week. I know that all of them had your hand in them and I can see you guiding my life. Though I sometimes question the decisions, I know that it will all work out. I ask that you be with me as I step through the trials of this week. Guide my each and every step, and remind me to let go. Be with Mom and Dad in a special way tonight. Comfort them and continue to show your love and support.
I love you,
Brie!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Where does my strength come from?
I've been doing a lot of reading the last few days and am starting to come to some conclusions of where I have been going wrong in life. Last night when I was walking in the dark once again, I found myself pleading to God. My brain has been working overtime trying to think things through. I have been depressed about how things were going. I have been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope.
Earlier in the day, I had sent messages to the people who are have been supporting me through my trials lately. I received words of encouragement from all but one, R. I have to say that this bothered me quite a bit because our friendship has been built on our relationships with God.
As the day went on I became more down. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. When I began my walk I was crying a lot. As I talked with God he slowly made me understand a few things about where my life is going right now.
He pointed out that a lot of my energy over the last few weeks has gone into helping R. I did not feel that God was saying that this was time wasted, but that it was energy that now needed to be redirected into my parents. Energy that God was giving me to help them through day by day.
God also reminded me of how He has it all under control. He showed me how I was growing and reminded me of times he had helped me in the past. He reminded me that even though I am not working He is taking care of my needs. He reminded me that my family is strong and that I need to be there for him.
But most of all he reminded me not to go to others first when I have a problem, go to Him. I feel like we all have a issue with this in life. We talk to everyone else asking what we should do before we even think of talking to God.
So I'm taking more time to talk with God about my trials. I am currently reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado, and the chapters I read last night dealt with the burdens of fear and loneliness. Both are things that I am dealing with right now. I am reminded of the 23rd Psalm. Verse 4 says, "I will fear no evil. You are with me" (NKJV).
I need to get my strength and comfort from God. He is the only one who can be consistent with being a support for me. In life, even our best supports let us down at times, but God is always there for us.
Jesus turned first to him in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Luke 22:39-46
Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."
Even his disciples let him down, but God didn't. An angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him.
Last night, prayed for God to take the burdens from me, but also that his will be done. Not long afterward, I felt my mood changing. My phone started playing more upbeat praise music. God strengthened me. Changed my outlook. Gave me another glimpse of the path.
Even through God has begun changing my attitude and outlook, I occasionally still feel down. But I believe He will strengthen me more over the days to come.
Lord,
I praise You for carrying me through this valley of sorrow. I know I am just beginning to leave it and that I still need to rely on You to get me through. I praise You for carrying me each step. I pray that You are with my Parents. We are going through some really rough times, but we know You are in control. Help us to keep that faith in You, Lord. Help me to be a strength to them through this.
I will praise You in this storm,
Brie!
Earlier in the day, I had sent messages to the people who are have been supporting me through my trials lately. I received words of encouragement from all but one, R. I have to say that this bothered me quite a bit because our friendship has been built on our relationships with God.
As the day went on I became more down. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. When I began my walk I was crying a lot. As I talked with God he slowly made me understand a few things about where my life is going right now.
He pointed out that a lot of my energy over the last few weeks has gone into helping R. I did not feel that God was saying that this was time wasted, but that it was energy that now needed to be redirected into my parents. Energy that God was giving me to help them through day by day.
God also reminded me of how He has it all under control. He showed me how I was growing and reminded me of times he had helped me in the past. He reminded me that even though I am not working He is taking care of my needs. He reminded me that my family is strong and that I need to be there for him.
But most of all he reminded me not to go to others first when I have a problem, go to Him. I feel like we all have a issue with this in life. We talk to everyone else asking what we should do before we even think of talking to God.
So I'm taking more time to talk with God about my trials. I am currently reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado, and the chapters I read last night dealt with the burdens of fear and loneliness. Both are things that I am dealing with right now. I am reminded of the 23rd Psalm. Verse 4 says, "I will fear no evil. You are with me" (NKJV).
I need to get my strength and comfort from God. He is the only one who can be consistent with being a support for me. In life, even our best supports let us down at times, but God is always there for us.
Jesus turned first to him in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Luke 22:39-46
Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."
Even his disciples let him down, but God didn't. An angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him.
Last night, prayed for God to take the burdens from me, but also that his will be done. Not long afterward, I felt my mood changing. My phone started playing more upbeat praise music. God strengthened me. Changed my outlook. Gave me another glimpse of the path.
Even through God has begun changing my attitude and outlook, I occasionally still feel down. But I believe He will strengthen me more over the days to come.
Lord,
I praise You for carrying me through this valley of sorrow. I know I am just beginning to leave it and that I still need to rely on You to get me through. I praise You for carrying me each step. I pray that You are with my Parents. We are going through some really rough times, but we know You are in control. Help us to keep that faith in You, Lord. Help me to be a strength to them through this.
I will praise You in this storm,
Brie!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Glimpses of a path...
I have to admit that I got even more down after my last post, because a job that I thought I was going to be offered, fell through. I'm still in shock that with the amount of direct experience that I have in the tutoring field that they did not offer it to me. This seems to be definitely not the job that God wants me to have at this time.
It's funny how God lets people know when things are bad. My cousin Shelly always seems to know when I am at my lowest. She has been checking in with me every day for the week. Sometimes several times a day. On top of that my friend S IM'd and said that she was just impressed that she needed to talk to me. She asked me several times if I wanted her to come down after work, and finally I gave in. It would be a couple hours before she would get there though.
So I decided to commune with God over it while I began to walk. I must have walked my development for a good hour in the rain. I cried quite a bit. God gave me strength by sending powerful songs through my phone. It was so good to be lifted bit by bit through it all.
When I got back I showered and changed just in time for S to come. We went down to Friday's for a little bit and just had some spinach dip and chips. It was good to see her since it had been almost a month since the last time. We chatted about how things were going, her new job, the married life. It helped and hurt at the same time. I was trying hard not to be jealous. We talked a bit about R leaving and I explained more of the situation to her.
When we got back to my place, I got a call from GWU asking me for an interview. I was a bit relieved, but at the same time I was still so down that I was not even excited about the opportunity. I guess I've gotten into a spot of being so low that I really am weary of getting excited about anything.
A little later I had my first conversation with R since he left. He is safe and secure in VA. Through the conversation he asked me to accept their relationship and not to say bad things about it or his ex. I agreed. Then he went on and on over the same things, like he felt he needed to hound me into it. I told him over and over that I will do my best. I wonder if that hounding was more for him then me. Like he was trying to convince himself. I realized late in the conversation that his ex was there with him as he typed.
Wednesday morning I called Unemployment because I got a letter that said that I needed to reapply. I did not get this since it has only been 5 months since I was laid off. When I called I asked the lady about it and she said that since I had applied last summer they had just reopened my previous claim. That means that as of sept 7, we opened a claim for a new calendar year. Giving me another 26 weeks of unemployment. I have to say that it was confusing, but God is good! I could feel it was a sign that he was looking out for me.
A little later I was IM'd again by R. He began hounding me again about accepting their relationship. I told him I would a couple times before I finally asked him to stop because if he kept on doing it then we would not even be left with a friendship. He agreed and apologized. We had some simple surface level conversations from there and that was it. Luckily we had an hour long conversation yesterday online where we finally were able to get back into some normal conversation. I thank you Lord, for allowing me to see glimpses of my friend once again.
My interview went really well. I felt once again that God interviewed for me in this situation. It really all went like a breeze. I had interviewed with the one lady before and the other was the person in that was last in the position that had been promoted. So I felt very good about it all.
Dad has been up and down all week, going from having dry heaves, to sleeping all day, to going to work. Mom called this morning letting me know that Dad had I guess hit a curb while leaving the oncologists office. I pray for protection for Dad on his way home today. The Oncologists office wants Dad to have a MRI of his brain today. This gets scary because if the cancer is in his brain chemo will not help. Things are definitely changing in my life, but I keep having to remember that God is in control.
I may never know the reasons behind why I have not been employed before now, or why R decided to leave, or why Dad is going through so much. But I need to try to stop worrying about each of these situations and leave them in God's hands.
I have to stand firm on God's rock. I have to believe that through every storm, trial and tribulation that God is protecting me.
I heard this song yesterday on the radio that got to me a little. It reminds me that through everything that seems to be going wrong, God has build a strong foundation for me, though I make mistakes, stumble and fall. I will not be moved!
Lord,
Things are still in chaos in my life. I praise you for sending me your encouragement through people and songs. I pray that you take my job search once again. You know what you want me to do, and I am going to let you work. I pray that you are with R and his situation. I am praying for your will in his life, I know you have it under control, but I ask you to give him strength and comfort when he needs it. I am also praying that if it is your will that you heal my Father. I pray for strength for Mom, Scott and I as we deal with the day to day. I praise you Lord, for giving me such a strong family that really knows how to support each other through these hard times.
I love you,
Brie!
It's funny how God lets people know when things are bad. My cousin Shelly always seems to know when I am at my lowest. She has been checking in with me every day for the week. Sometimes several times a day. On top of that my friend S IM'd and said that she was just impressed that she needed to talk to me. She asked me several times if I wanted her to come down after work, and finally I gave in. It would be a couple hours before she would get there though.
So I decided to commune with God over it while I began to walk. I must have walked my development for a good hour in the rain. I cried quite a bit. God gave me strength by sending powerful songs through my phone. It was so good to be lifted bit by bit through it all.
When I got back I showered and changed just in time for S to come. We went down to Friday's for a little bit and just had some spinach dip and chips. It was good to see her since it had been almost a month since the last time. We chatted about how things were going, her new job, the married life. It helped and hurt at the same time. I was trying hard not to be jealous. We talked a bit about R leaving and I explained more of the situation to her.
When we got back to my place, I got a call from GWU asking me for an interview. I was a bit relieved, but at the same time I was still so down that I was not even excited about the opportunity. I guess I've gotten into a spot of being so low that I really am weary of getting excited about anything.
A little later I had my first conversation with R since he left. He is safe and secure in VA. Through the conversation he asked me to accept their relationship and not to say bad things about it or his ex. I agreed. Then he went on and on over the same things, like he felt he needed to hound me into it. I told him over and over that I will do my best. I wonder if that hounding was more for him then me. Like he was trying to convince himself. I realized late in the conversation that his ex was there with him as he typed.
Wednesday morning I called Unemployment because I got a letter that said that I needed to reapply. I did not get this since it has only been 5 months since I was laid off. When I called I asked the lady about it and she said that since I had applied last summer they had just reopened my previous claim. That means that as of sept 7, we opened a claim for a new calendar year. Giving me another 26 weeks of unemployment. I have to say that it was confusing, but God is good! I could feel it was a sign that he was looking out for me.
A little later I was IM'd again by R. He began hounding me again about accepting their relationship. I told him I would a couple times before I finally asked him to stop because if he kept on doing it then we would not even be left with a friendship. He agreed and apologized. We had some simple surface level conversations from there and that was it. Luckily we had an hour long conversation yesterday online where we finally were able to get back into some normal conversation. I thank you Lord, for allowing me to see glimpses of my friend once again.
My interview went really well. I felt once again that God interviewed for me in this situation. It really all went like a breeze. I had interviewed with the one lady before and the other was the person in that was last in the position that had been promoted. So I felt very good about it all.
Dad has been up and down all week, going from having dry heaves, to sleeping all day, to going to work. Mom called this morning letting me know that Dad had I guess hit a curb while leaving the oncologists office. I pray for protection for Dad on his way home today. The Oncologists office wants Dad to have a MRI of his brain today. This gets scary because if the cancer is in his brain chemo will not help. Things are definitely changing in my life, but I keep having to remember that God is in control.
I may never know the reasons behind why I have not been employed before now, or why R decided to leave, or why Dad is going through so much. But I need to try to stop worrying about each of these situations and leave them in God's hands.
I have to stand firm on God's rock. I have to believe that through every storm, trial and tribulation that God is protecting me.
I heard this song yesterday on the radio that got to me a little. It reminds me that through everything that seems to be going wrong, God has build a strong foundation for me, though I make mistakes, stumble and fall. I will not be moved!
Lord,
Things are still in chaos in my life. I praise you for sending me your encouragement through people and songs. I pray that you take my job search once again. You know what you want me to do, and I am going to let you work. I pray that you are with R and his situation. I am praying for your will in his life, I know you have it under control, but I ask you to give him strength and comfort when he needs it. I am also praying that if it is your will that you heal my Father. I pray for strength for Mom, Scott and I as we deal with the day to day. I praise you Lord, for giving me such a strong family that really knows how to support each other through these hard times.
I love you,
Brie!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Healing!
I'm in a strange spot once again, I feel that my life is in constant chaos and not sure when or if it will ever settle down. Yesterday, I found out a lot of news that really made my head spin.
My day started with finding out that my Dad's cancer has spread. It's moved into his spine, liver and abdomen. We don't know if it has gone further into his brain since they did not perform a scan of that area. The Oncologist really has not given us any hope. He's said many times that this is not curable.
Later the same day, R decided to go back to his ex. He felt that there was unfinished business there that he needed to work out. I can't say that I totally understand what he is going through, but I do agree that he needs to have closure. I really feel that the situation he is in is not going to work for him. I also know I could talk to him until I am blue in the face and nothing will change until he realizes it.
Through it all, God put a song in my mind. "I need thee every hour."
So once again, I am praying for healing!
Isaiah 57:18 "I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners."
I'm praying for healing for my father. I know that there are a lot of things that are stacked against Dad right now, but God is an awesome God that can do anything.
I'm praying for healing for R, so that he can get through his current situation and start to deal with his own fears and insecurities.
I'm praying for healing for my family and I. Our hearts are breaking and torn from all we are going through.
Lord,
I praise you for all of the good in my life. Sometimes it gets hard to see the good through all the turmoil, but I know that you have given me an amazing family that pulls together through hard times. Help us to get through each day stronger through you. I also know you have given me a great support through R. Please help him to work through his current situation and continue to follow your guidance. Help him to give his fears over to you so you can fully work in his life. Lastly Lord, I pray that you help me to keep close to you every day. I need you, Lord.
Brie!
My day started with finding out that my Dad's cancer has spread. It's moved into his spine, liver and abdomen. We don't know if it has gone further into his brain since they did not perform a scan of that area. The Oncologist really has not given us any hope. He's said many times that this is not curable.
Later the same day, R decided to go back to his ex. He felt that there was unfinished business there that he needed to work out. I can't say that I totally understand what he is going through, but I do agree that he needs to have closure. I really feel that the situation he is in is not going to work for him. I also know I could talk to him until I am blue in the face and nothing will change until he realizes it.
Through it all, God put a song in my mind. "I need thee every hour."
So once again, I am praying for healing!
Isaiah 57:18 "I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners."
I'm praying for healing for my father. I know that there are a lot of things that are stacked against Dad right now, but God is an awesome God that can do anything.
I'm praying for healing for R, so that he can get through his current situation and start to deal with his own fears and insecurities.
I'm praying for healing for my family and I. Our hearts are breaking and torn from all we are going through.
Lord,
I praise you for all of the good in my life. Sometimes it gets hard to see the good through all the turmoil, but I know that you have given me an amazing family that pulls together through hard times. Help us to get through each day stronger through you. I also know you have given me a great support through R. Please help him to work through his current situation and continue to follow your guidance. Help him to give his fears over to you so you can fully work in his life. Lastly Lord, I pray that you help me to keep close to you every day. I need you, Lord.
Brie!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Strength
Everyday people go through things that require us to be strong, but when times get down we seem to look to each other for strength. As humans we give strength and support to each other. A friend of mine is going through a hard time gathering strength dealing with things in his relationship. My mother is needing strength to deal with the ups and downs of my fathers cancer. I feel I need strength to keep trusting God to give me the job that he wants for me.
We all need strength. Here are a few texts that involve getting strength from God. He is the source of strength. We get the strength we give to others from Him.
Psalm 68:35
You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.
Praise be to God!
Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
And my favorite:
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
I love looking at the verbs in each of the texts. The first two use the verb GIVE. When you are given something you really don't have a choice. It's that way with God. He gives us strength before we need it. Many times we just fail to see that it is already there.
The next verb is RENEW. Our strength can get low, but God renews it within us. Renew says that it is full again, or like new. So in our darkest times God can make our strength like new.
The last verb is IS. I love when texts just say what God is. God IS our refuge and strength. He IS it. Not feeble us, or our close friends. God IS. We're not relying on us and our strength. We're relying on His.
Lord,
Help us to have the strength to stand for what is right. Help us have the strength to care for each other. But most of all Lord, help us to accept the strength that you are for us. Help us to let you be our strength.
I love you,
Brie!
We all need strength. Here are a few texts that involve getting strength from God. He is the source of strength. We get the strength we give to others from Him.
Psalm 68:35
You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.
Praise be to God!
Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
And my favorite:
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
I love looking at the verbs in each of the texts. The first two use the verb GIVE. When you are given something you really don't have a choice. It's that way with God. He gives us strength before we need it. Many times we just fail to see that it is already there.
The next verb is RENEW. Our strength can get low, but God renews it within us. Renew says that it is full again, or like new. So in our darkest times God can make our strength like new.
The last verb is IS. I love when texts just say what God is. God IS our refuge and strength. He IS it. Not feeble us, or our close friends. God IS. We're not relying on us and our strength. We're relying on His.
Lord,
Help us to have the strength to stand for what is right. Help us have the strength to care for each other. But most of all Lord, help us to accept the strength that you are for us. Help us to let you be our strength.
I love you,
Brie!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
It could be worse!
I spent most of my day talking to a good friend of mine about some of the things going on in his life. As we talked I reflected back on some of the hard times that I have been going though. Most of the time we walk through live and go from event to event rarely looking back on how those events link together to strengthen us.
Ive had a rough time in the job market lately. I have bounced from for-profit education to technical support. Not really understanding the lay-offs or the decisions along the way, but going with it. Last week I interviewed for a System Specialist at George Washington University. I could not have made it through the interview without having both skill sets. If I was purely technical I would have been lost on the scope of what they are trying to accomplish. With purely educational skills I would have come up lacking in the skill set the want to run the system. My for-profit experience gave them the management skills needed to work with some student workers. So my experience has given me parts that would help me in this position. Hopefully I was able to portray that to the interviewers last week!
That has gotten me doing a lot of thinking about my family. You never realize how good you have it with your family until others bring it up. I was talking to a friend of the family at the Jersey Shore last weekend and we were talking about my family. She was saying how God has certainly blessed us with a strong family. I've thought of it before, but hearing it from an outsider really brought it home.
As children, We spent every summer at the Jersey Shore. My Father's side of the family each had campsites there, and even the ones of us who didn't came down on the Holiday weekends of summer. So just imagine family reunions every Memorial Day, 4th of July, A week in August, and Labor Day. Add on weekends around Thanksgiving and Christmas at Nana and PopPop's house in NJ. Now take that and put it over my entire life.
My mom was saying how when someone asked my brother an I what our favorite memory form childhood was we both said "Summers at the Jersey Shore."
That campground could be anywhere, because we don't go to the beach all that much. It's more about Family then anything else. Sometimes I'm in awe of the family strength that God has built into us. Knowing from the beginning that we would need it to go through the trials of cancer, sickness and death we are going through now.
The friend I was talking to today said how laughter is good medicine. It reminded me of my family. I remember so many times where we just sat around the fire and laughed. My family is full of people that just love to laugh. Even through the hurt and pain, laughter is still present. I still laugh when I think of my Uncle Bill, who passed last summer, and his love of laughter. I remember him and I having this conversation one night by the fire at the shore where we were just talking about the word nephew, and how it sounds like "few". He said that he likes to see me more than that. So from that day on he called me his Nephmany. I never realized that it was an inside joke until I talked about it at his Memorial Service. Family members came up to me afterward and said they never knew about it.
God has definitely strengthened my Family. My cousin Shelly checks on me at least once a week to see how I'm doing and check on my Dad and Mom. She always seems to know when I'm at a low point and picks me up just by letting me know she understand what I'm going through.
God is Good! Next week is our Family Vacation. It will be so good to be with them hearing the laughter of old times. Though Satan will continue to try to get us down and break our spirit, God will continue to strengthen us to support each other. What an Awesome God we serve!
Proverbs 17:22
A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Lord,
Thank you once again for giving me such an great supportive family. I know that you know the beginning from the end. Thanks so much for helping to prepare us for the future. I pray that you are with my friend who is going through hard times. Guide him to where you want his life to go. Bless my friends and family. Comfort the ones of us that are hurting, and lift the trials next week so my family can rejoice in the strength you have given us.
I love you!
Brie!
Ive had a rough time in the job market lately. I have bounced from for-profit education to technical support. Not really understanding the lay-offs or the decisions along the way, but going with it. Last week I interviewed for a System Specialist at George Washington University. I could not have made it through the interview without having both skill sets. If I was purely technical I would have been lost on the scope of what they are trying to accomplish. With purely educational skills I would have come up lacking in the skill set the want to run the system. My for-profit experience gave them the management skills needed to work with some student workers. So my experience has given me parts that would help me in this position. Hopefully I was able to portray that to the interviewers last week!
That has gotten me doing a lot of thinking about my family. You never realize how good you have it with your family until others bring it up. I was talking to a friend of the family at the Jersey Shore last weekend and we were talking about my family. She was saying how God has certainly blessed us with a strong family. I've thought of it before, but hearing it from an outsider really brought it home.
As children, We spent every summer at the Jersey Shore. My Father's side of the family each had campsites there, and even the ones of us who didn't came down on the Holiday weekends of summer. So just imagine family reunions every Memorial Day, 4th of July, A week in August, and Labor Day. Add on weekends around Thanksgiving and Christmas at Nana and PopPop's house in NJ. Now take that and put it over my entire life.
My mom was saying how when someone asked my brother an I what our favorite memory form childhood was we both said "Summers at the Jersey Shore."
That campground could be anywhere, because we don't go to the beach all that much. It's more about Family then anything else. Sometimes I'm in awe of the family strength that God has built into us. Knowing from the beginning that we would need it to go through the trials of cancer, sickness and death we are going through now.
The friend I was talking to today said how laughter is good medicine. It reminded me of my family. I remember so many times where we just sat around the fire and laughed. My family is full of people that just love to laugh. Even through the hurt and pain, laughter is still present. I still laugh when I think of my Uncle Bill, who passed last summer, and his love of laughter. I remember him and I having this conversation one night by the fire at the shore where we were just talking about the word nephew, and how it sounds like "few". He said that he likes to see me more than that. So from that day on he called me his Nephmany. I never realized that it was an inside joke until I talked about it at his Memorial Service. Family members came up to me afterward and said they never knew about it.
God has definitely strengthened my Family. My cousin Shelly checks on me at least once a week to see how I'm doing and check on my Dad and Mom. She always seems to know when I'm at a low point and picks me up just by letting me know she understand what I'm going through.
God is Good! Next week is our Family Vacation. It will be so good to be with them hearing the laughter of old times. Though Satan will continue to try to get us down and break our spirit, God will continue to strengthen us to support each other. What an Awesome God we serve!
Proverbs 17:22
A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.
Lord,
Thank you once again for giving me such an great supportive family. I know that you know the beginning from the end. Thanks so much for helping to prepare us for the future. I pray that you are with my friend who is going through hard times. Guide him to where you want his life to go. Bless my friends and family. Comfort the ones of us that are hurting, and lift the trials next week so my family can rejoice in the strength you have given us.
I love you!
Brie!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
What defines worship?
When we worship, what is it that makes the experience?
When I was attending church yesterday, I had a significantly different worship experience than I have had at church before. All week long I had been looking forward to going to church for worship. It had driven my week. The want/need for my normality was brewing in my soul.
I wanted the praise. I wanted the fellowship. I wanted the deeply emotional prayers. I wanted the deeply moving sermon.
I received praise, but it was different from what I was wanting. The praise team was not what I was expecting.
I received fellowship, but it was different from what I was wanting. I was there with Justin, who is a good friend, but the friends I usually go to church with that were there happened to come for first service and were leaving.
I wanted the deeply emotional prayers, but they were different from what I was wanting. The feeling was not coming through to me. The emotion was not there.
I wanted the deeply moving sermon, but it was very different from my expectations. It was a good sermon.
It was interesting, because I still left church blessed. It reminds me of my childhood where I grew up in a church with a totally different worship style. I remember being bored in church many weeks. Occasionally I would come across a sermon that would speak to me, but many times I didn't.
Now I attend a church that I usually get a blessing every week, but this week was very different.
The videos for church this week went right along with my experience. There was one that really touched on one thing that is sticking with me.
Worship is not any of the things that I listed above.
I've never really though too much into how worship is such a personal thing. We all worship differently. I'm lucky in many ways to have found a church that has a very similar worship style to me.
It's amazing to me how different each of us has been made. None of us are totally a like. We all have parts of us that do not fit into any worship service.
I remember one time when my parents came to visit my church. It was a big weekend for us, I believe that it was the "Grand Opening" service of our new location. It was a very grand service. My Dad stated that it is not his type of service, but he though that if he was my age he'd probably find it more relevant to him.
I believe that such diversity is in God's plan. It is mean to bring us back to the personal. We as humans are always trying to find people that have similar belief structures, and yet there will always be differences to bring us back to relying on making our walk personal.
Lord,
Thank you for once again opening my eyes to worship. I pray that you continue to lead in my life. Please be with my family and friends in a special way this week. A lot of us are going though change in many aspects of our lives. I pray that you lead us to what you would want for our lives. I love you and praise you for bringing such strong and supportive people into my life.
I love you,
Brie!
When I was attending church yesterday, I had a significantly different worship experience than I have had at church before. All week long I had been looking forward to going to church for worship. It had driven my week. The want/need for my normality was brewing in my soul.
I wanted the praise. I wanted the fellowship. I wanted the deeply emotional prayers. I wanted the deeply moving sermon.
I received praise, but it was different from what I was wanting. The praise team was not what I was expecting.
I received fellowship, but it was different from what I was wanting. I was there with Justin, who is a good friend, but the friends I usually go to church with that were there happened to come for first service and were leaving.
I wanted the deeply emotional prayers, but they were different from what I was wanting. The feeling was not coming through to me. The emotion was not there.
I wanted the deeply moving sermon, but it was very different from my expectations. It was a good sermon.
It was interesting, because I still left church blessed. It reminds me of my childhood where I grew up in a church with a totally different worship style. I remember being bored in church many weeks. Occasionally I would come across a sermon that would speak to me, but many times I didn't.
Now I attend a church that I usually get a blessing every week, but this week was very different.
The videos for church this week went right along with my experience. There was one that really touched on one thing that is sticking with me.
Worship is not any of the things that I listed above.
I've never really though too much into how worship is such a personal thing. We all worship differently. I'm lucky in many ways to have found a church that has a very similar worship style to me.
It's amazing to me how different each of us has been made. None of us are totally a like. We all have parts of us that do not fit into any worship service.
I remember one time when my parents came to visit my church. It was a big weekend for us, I believe that it was the "Grand Opening" service of our new location. It was a very grand service. My Dad stated that it is not his type of service, but he though that if he was my age he'd probably find it more relevant to him.
I believe that such diversity is in God's plan. It is mean to bring us back to the personal. We as humans are always trying to find people that have similar belief structures, and yet there will always be differences to bring us back to relying on making our walk personal.
Lord,
Thank you for once again opening my eyes to worship. I pray that you continue to lead in my life. Please be with my family and friends in a special way this week. A lot of us are going though change in many aspects of our lives. I pray that you lead us to what you would want for our lives. I love you and praise you for bringing such strong and supportive people into my life.
I love you,
Brie!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
And the road goes on...
It's been a couple weeks since I have posted and one of my friends told me that I needed to get back on here. :-)
Today is a beautiful day. I really feel God working in my life. I have to say that even though I have had my ups and downs as far as life has gone, God has always been consistent.
My life at the current moment is full of many changes. In the past month I have had three friendships change.
D moved back to Michigan. She had been having a hard time making it here in Maryland, and though our group of friends was able to help her through some hard times, it was best for her to go to where she is comfortable and thriving. I really took her leaving hard. I was surprised at how hard it was for me. Even though we did not see each other on the regular, it was comforting to know that I would see her smile at church. I got to chat with her for a bit online this week and I was so happy to hear that things were really turning out for the best for her. I really do miss her a lot.
The second change was that C and I took a break from each other. Other than a occasional IM we have not really communicated for the last month. I feel this is best for the both of us at this point. I was unable to just be friends. I have the ability to turn off feelings most of the time, but I don't know why this time I couldn't. I always felt he was sending me mixed messages and it just got to the point where it was not going to work. Through it all I've realized that our relationship was probably holding him back in some ways from finding himself. Though he made great strides when we were together, I know that my part in helping him is for the most part is over. I miss seeing him. I miss our casual banter. I'm glad to have known him and hopefully someday we can hang out again as friends.
The final change has been the hardest. M finally moved to Hawaii. This just happened on Sunday. I really don't think that the impact from this has really even hit me yet. I find myself hesitating to move my stuff into his room. I'm not wanting to change things around the house. Hunter kept running to the door last night when he heard the outside door open. I know he misses him as well. It is weird to be in the condo alone at night. I cooked last night and put some aside for him without even thinking about it. It's strange how even though S and my other friends are here, I feel so lonely.
He's begun a Hawaii blog:
http://zenimages.blogspot.com/
I know that S and I are both going through this in different ways. It's interesting how we deal with things so differently. She is comforted more by talking with him on the phone. I feel good when I read from his blog or get a text. I keep reminding myself that this whole set of changes are going to be good. I can feel things ramping up toward great things.
I'm glad that God has given us the ability to reflect. I've been thinking a lot about the past. It's amazing how I remember the good times the most. M and I have had some adventures, snow in Sedona, crazy times in Montreal, late night watching snow fall in Philly, cruise seating with a librarian from NY and a guy from the midwest who could not cut steak. Life has been good, and these good times will be etched into my memory forever.
It's amazing how God knows our needs before we ever do. Some people God brings into our life for a day, others for a few months, others for a few years, and others for lifetime. God has definitely given me a friend for a lifetime with M.
As my road goes on and things continue to change, I know that He has a plan. God has showed His love through the kindness of my friends. He has helped me to see a glimpse of the love that He has for me. But the full knowledge of that Love I will not understand until I reach heaven, because God does not built friendships that only last days, months, or years. He builds a friendship that lasts for eternity.
Psalm 136:1 NIV
Life is hard right now, Lord. It's full of changes and struggles. I'm unsure of where you are leading, but I need your strength to keep taking each step. You've brought such wonderful examples of your Love into my life. I praise you for that. Keep leading me in your path. Be with my family and friends. Especially M as he adjusts to his new life. Be with those of us that he left behind, help us to adjust and grow in you. I'm in awe that through each stumble and fall that I make that you continually pick me up, clean me up, and place me one step closer to where you want me to be. Continue to guide us all in your light.
Brie!
Today is a beautiful day. I really feel God working in my life. I have to say that even though I have had my ups and downs as far as life has gone, God has always been consistent.
My life at the current moment is full of many changes. In the past month I have had three friendships change.
D moved back to Michigan. She had been having a hard time making it here in Maryland, and though our group of friends was able to help her through some hard times, it was best for her to go to where she is comfortable and thriving. I really took her leaving hard. I was surprised at how hard it was for me. Even though we did not see each other on the regular, it was comforting to know that I would see her smile at church. I got to chat with her for a bit online this week and I was so happy to hear that things were really turning out for the best for her. I really do miss her a lot.
The second change was that C and I took a break from each other. Other than a occasional IM we have not really communicated for the last month. I feel this is best for the both of us at this point. I was unable to just be friends. I have the ability to turn off feelings most of the time, but I don't know why this time I couldn't. I always felt he was sending me mixed messages and it just got to the point where it was not going to work. Through it all I've realized that our relationship was probably holding him back in some ways from finding himself. Though he made great strides when we were together, I know that my part in helping him is for the most part is over. I miss seeing him. I miss our casual banter. I'm glad to have known him and hopefully someday we can hang out again as friends.
The final change has been the hardest. M finally moved to Hawaii. This just happened on Sunday. I really don't think that the impact from this has really even hit me yet. I find myself hesitating to move my stuff into his room. I'm not wanting to change things around the house. Hunter kept running to the door last night when he heard the outside door open. I know he misses him as well. It is weird to be in the condo alone at night. I cooked last night and put some aside for him without even thinking about it. It's strange how even though S and my other friends are here, I feel so lonely.
He's begun a Hawaii blog:
http://zenimages.blogspot.com/
I know that S and I are both going through this in different ways. It's interesting how we deal with things so differently. She is comforted more by talking with him on the phone. I feel good when I read from his blog or get a text. I keep reminding myself that this whole set of changes are going to be good. I can feel things ramping up toward great things.
I'm glad that God has given us the ability to reflect. I've been thinking a lot about the past. It's amazing how I remember the good times the most. M and I have had some adventures, snow in Sedona, crazy times in Montreal, late night watching snow fall in Philly, cruise seating with a librarian from NY and a guy from the midwest who could not cut steak. Life has been good, and these good times will be etched into my memory forever.
It's amazing how God knows our needs before we ever do. Some people God brings into our life for a day, others for a few months, others for a few years, and others for lifetime. God has definitely given me a friend for a lifetime with M.
As my road goes on and things continue to change, I know that He has a plan. God has showed His love through the kindness of my friends. He has helped me to see a glimpse of the love that He has for me. But the full knowledge of that Love I will not understand until I reach heaven, because God does not built friendships that only last days, months, or years. He builds a friendship that lasts for eternity.
Psalm 136:1 NIV
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Life is hard right now, Lord. It's full of changes and struggles. I'm unsure of where you are leading, but I need your strength to keep taking each step. You've brought such wonderful examples of your Love into my life. I praise you for that. Keep leading me in your path. Be with my family and friends. Especially M as he adjusts to his new life. Be with those of us that he left behind, help us to adjust and grow in you. I'm in awe that through each stumble and fall that I make that you continually pick me up, clean me up, and place me one step closer to where you want me to be. Continue to guide us all in your light.
Brie!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Superiority?
I was asking one of my friend about my blog over the last few days and as we got talking he brought up that he feels I have a superior overtone to my writing. As we got to talking he made it sound like the tone gives a feeling of talking down to others. It's interesting that he felt that way because my blog is first meant as a place for me to grow.
With that information I contacted C to make sure that he did not feel I was talking down to him in my previous post. I was relieved to find out that he didn't.
I was not trying to say anything negative about C. C has been nothing but a wonderful friend and boyfriend to me. We ended up taking a step back because he needed to. He has to do what he needs to in his walk. For a long time I did not understand what he was feeling. From my blog entry on Sunday, I feel like I understand C just a little better. This brought me to a new quandary in my life.
What is the "superior overtone" that my friend brought up?
I have to admit that I feel like the worst Christian at times because I feel that I am constantly searching and working with God to make my relationship stronger. Many times I feel so far away from God that I hurt and cry. Other times I resist giving up my problems to Him because then I can't take credit when things turn out fine.
The Christian walk is not an easy one, because it is so simple. Get it?
I was talking with a friend who spent a lot of time learning about Wicca. She said there are so many rules, beliefs and rituals that she really never felt able to have her own beliefs. It confined her.
Many Christian "religions" seem to have the same restrictions and rules. Many of the rules of religion really come back to living a God-Centered life. The trick is to spend time with God.
2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV
"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."
So the more that we spend time with God, the more we behold his glory, the more we see him work in our lives, the more we are changed into His image. When we are changed into God's image, we will keep the "rules" because we want to live a good life and spend more time with Him.
Now I admit, maybe the "superiority" thing comes into play because I don't always share where I am in my walk, but tend to just share what I have realized. I have to say that I am still and will always be working on my communication with God. I am quite hard on myself, because I feel like I should be farther in my walk than I am. But I also realize that I will never get there until well after I meet God in the second Advent. Then many things will become clear, but I will still have many things to learn. Beliefs that I held dear to my heart may be completely wrong and I'll have to learn the truth. Ideas that I did not quite understand will be explained to me. Things that happened in my life will finally make sense when God is able to tell me the reason behind it.
Someone once told me that I seem to struggle a lot in my blog. I did not know what to say at that time. Now I know how to reply. My struggle makes me stronger. It makes my relationship stronger. I'd be scared if my Christian walk was easy.
The Christian walk is not an easy one, because it is so simple.
Just accept God's Gift.
Lord,
I praise you for giving me another day of life. It's hard to get away by yourself and not have interaction with others. Please bless all of my friends and family. We are going through some really hard times right now, but we know that you are in control. Thank you so much for helping me grow. Thanks for being an active part of my life.
I love you,
Brie!
With that information I contacted C to make sure that he did not feel I was talking down to him in my previous post. I was relieved to find out that he didn't.
I was not trying to say anything negative about C. C has been nothing but a wonderful friend and boyfriend to me. We ended up taking a step back because he needed to. He has to do what he needs to in his walk. For a long time I did not understand what he was feeling. From my blog entry on Sunday, I feel like I understand C just a little better. This brought me to a new quandary in my life.
What is the "superior overtone" that my friend brought up?
I have to admit that I feel like the worst Christian at times because I feel that I am constantly searching and working with God to make my relationship stronger. Many times I feel so far away from God that I hurt and cry. Other times I resist giving up my problems to Him because then I can't take credit when things turn out fine.
The Christian walk is not an easy one, because it is so simple. Get it?
I was talking with a friend who spent a lot of time learning about Wicca. She said there are so many rules, beliefs and rituals that she really never felt able to have her own beliefs. It confined her.
Many Christian "religions" seem to have the same restrictions and rules. Many of the rules of religion really come back to living a God-Centered life. The trick is to spend time with God.
2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV
"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."
So the more that we spend time with God, the more we behold his glory, the more we see him work in our lives, the more we are changed into His image. When we are changed into God's image, we will keep the "rules" because we want to live a good life and spend more time with Him.
Now I admit, maybe the "superiority" thing comes into play because I don't always share where I am in my walk, but tend to just share what I have realized. I have to say that I am still and will always be working on my communication with God. I am quite hard on myself, because I feel like I should be farther in my walk than I am. But I also realize that I will never get there until well after I meet God in the second Advent. Then many things will become clear, but I will still have many things to learn. Beliefs that I held dear to my heart may be completely wrong and I'll have to learn the truth. Ideas that I did not quite understand will be explained to me. Things that happened in my life will finally make sense when God is able to tell me the reason behind it.
Someone once told me that I seem to struggle a lot in my blog. I did not know what to say at that time. Now I know how to reply. My struggle makes me stronger. It makes my relationship stronger. I'd be scared if my Christian walk was easy.
The Christian walk is not an easy one, because it is so simple.
Just accept God's Gift.
Lord,
I praise you for giving me another day of life. It's hard to get away by yourself and not have interaction with others. Please bless all of my friends and family. We are going through some really hard times right now, but we know that you are in control. Thank you so much for helping me grow. Thanks for being an active part of my life.
I love you,
Brie!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
God So Loved
I've been struggling over the last few weeks to figure a lot of things out in my head. Many of those things I have written about here before, but for the most part I have avoided blogging about my confusion over my relationship with C. C and I met at the end of last year and quickly became an item. I knew from the start that he had some issues with committing to a relationship, but things just happened and we seemed in my mind to pass that point.
Our relationship was never hard. We never fought. We never disagreed. We respect each other and grew together. Now, I know this sounds like a fairytale, but it is true. C and I just really understood each other.
Months later C's broke things off saying that he just wants to be friends. He felt like he needed to find himself before he can be in a relationship. He is unsure of what he wants.
Through many hours of talking I have figured out that he is apprehensive of getting into another relationship like the ones in his past. I have to say that I gave everything I could into the relationship. I made sure that I reflected the love that God gives me to C. Through our relationship, C has said that he has been blessed and has grown. God grew both of us through our relationship. We've talked before about my wanting to build a relationship around God, and he's said that he would be open to that. I've never found another man that was willing to do that. C has said many times that there is nothing more that I could have done, because he still is unsure.
Imagine the hurt that I have felt. So much for the sayings that love conquers all, and love will make a way. There are times where my heart aches because I care about him so much. The pain that I have felt is real, and yet I know that God has put me in his life for a specific purpose. That belief has made it very hard to cut ties and has made me make a firm decision. I've committed to being his friend.
C came with me to church for the first time last week. It was an incredible thing to see him there. He really seemed at ease, which was really nice to see. He was singing along. He really seemed to enjoy himself. I was so happy when I saw that he even came to the cross during prayer.
There has been no question in my mind that God has been working in C's life. Through many strange coincidences people from his past have been brought back into his life. I've also seen his happiness grow and his personal turmoil decrease. I'm not sure if he sees this or not, but I've tried to tell him how much he has grown.
I will continue to pray for C. I hope that God can keep working through me in his life. I don't know where God is taking him and I, but I know that God has higher goals than either of us can imagine.
My feeling of frustration about the relationship had me crying earlier today. I was being selfish with God. Asking when it is going to be my turn to meet a great someone, but God in his infinite wisdom turned it back on me asking me when I was going to give that same thing to Him. Imagine, here I am feeling sorry for myself, never thinking that God has done everything to secure my relationship with Him.
Like me, God made the relationship easy. All I have to do is accept it.
Like me, God's put everything into it. All I have to do is accept it.
Unlike me, God still waits for us.
Why do we fight things that are right there in our grasp? Why do we fight things that we know are going to turn out good? Why do we deceive ourselves, pretending to not know what we want? Why do we run from the stable relationship with God, yet accept alcohol, drugs, sex, money, greed and other unhealthy relationships into our lives without a thought?
What is so scary about stability? What is so scary about comfort? What is so scary about being taken care of? What is so scary about trusting?
Today C and I were talking about the hurt that I felt. One of the things that really hit home for me was when he said "If anything i will be the one to ultimately hurt when i realize what I let get away." Wow. Imagine being able to see that future for yourself and not being able to fully realize it. We're lucky that unlike man, God gives us many, many times to realize what he's given us. But the same statement holds true to our Christian walk. The longer we wait, the less chance we have of building a strong relationship. God gave it all. It's time for us to stop being selfish and give back.
John 3:16 NIV
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Lord,
I pray that you be with C in a special way. I pray that he is able to discover the life you have for him. Be with my friends and Family. I praise you for the work you are doing in our lives. I love you.
Brie!
Our relationship was never hard. We never fought. We never disagreed. We respect each other and grew together. Now, I know this sounds like a fairytale, but it is true. C and I just really understood each other.
Months later C's broke things off saying that he just wants to be friends. He felt like he needed to find himself before he can be in a relationship. He is unsure of what he wants.
Through many hours of talking I have figured out that he is apprehensive of getting into another relationship like the ones in his past. I have to say that I gave everything I could into the relationship. I made sure that I reflected the love that God gives me to C. Through our relationship, C has said that he has been blessed and has grown. God grew both of us through our relationship. We've talked before about my wanting to build a relationship around God, and he's said that he would be open to that. I've never found another man that was willing to do that. C has said many times that there is nothing more that I could have done, because he still is unsure.
Imagine the hurt that I have felt. So much for the sayings that love conquers all, and love will make a way. There are times where my heart aches because I care about him so much. The pain that I have felt is real, and yet I know that God has put me in his life for a specific purpose. That belief has made it very hard to cut ties and has made me make a firm decision. I've committed to being his friend.
C came with me to church for the first time last week. It was an incredible thing to see him there. He really seemed at ease, which was really nice to see. He was singing along. He really seemed to enjoy himself. I was so happy when I saw that he even came to the cross during prayer.
There has been no question in my mind that God has been working in C's life. Through many strange coincidences people from his past have been brought back into his life. I've also seen his happiness grow and his personal turmoil decrease. I'm not sure if he sees this or not, but I've tried to tell him how much he has grown.
I will continue to pray for C. I hope that God can keep working through me in his life. I don't know where God is taking him and I, but I know that God has higher goals than either of us can imagine.
My feeling of frustration about the relationship had me crying earlier today. I was being selfish with God. Asking when it is going to be my turn to meet a great someone, but God in his infinite wisdom turned it back on me asking me when I was going to give that same thing to Him. Imagine, here I am feeling sorry for myself, never thinking that God has done everything to secure my relationship with Him.
Like me, God made the relationship easy. All I have to do is accept it.
Like me, God's put everything into it. All I have to do is accept it.
Unlike me, God still waits for us.
Why do we fight things that are right there in our grasp? Why do we fight things that we know are going to turn out good? Why do we deceive ourselves, pretending to not know what we want? Why do we run from the stable relationship with God, yet accept alcohol, drugs, sex, money, greed and other unhealthy relationships into our lives without a thought?
What is so scary about stability? What is so scary about comfort? What is so scary about being taken care of? What is so scary about trusting?
Today C and I were talking about the hurt that I felt. One of the things that really hit home for me was when he said "If anything i will be the one to ultimately hurt when i realize what I let get away." Wow. Imagine being able to see that future for yourself and not being able to fully realize it. We're lucky that unlike man, God gives us many, many times to realize what he's given us. But the same statement holds true to our Christian walk. The longer we wait, the less chance we have of building a strong relationship. God gave it all. It's time for us to stop being selfish and give back.
John 3:16 NIV
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Lord,
I pray that you be with C in a special way. I pray that he is able to discover the life you have for him. Be with my friends and Family. I praise you for the work you are doing in our lives. I love you.
Brie!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Trusting is so hard.
Trust is such a hard thing to learn. Giving things over to God seems like it should be an easy task. I remember back to church as a child singing about casting all our cares on God. We learn that God will take care of us in church, at home.
And yet as we grow up we are taught to be responsible and to fend for ourselves. We are taught how to survive and how to succeed.
Life teaches us to be self-sufficient.
Today, I found out that I did not get the job that I really wanted to get. It's funny how I know that it is God's will and that He has something else(probably better) for me to do. I still have a hard time just giving it up and trusting.
Why is it that some things are so easy to do and others so hard? Why is it that control is one of the hardest things for us to give up?
I was thinking today of how hard it must be for someone with a mental disability to take medication. The Human brain works differently then common sense. Many times we realize what we are suppose to do and yet our brains tell us otherwise. Giving in and taking a medication to be normal, kind of feels like the same type of idea as giving up control and allowing God to take over. The problem is that giving up control is not common sense, but a learned behavior. It goes against what we have been taught. It goes against the World. But it is a behavior I have to learn.
How can I make it easier for myself to give my control up? Is there some step I can take to make it easier?
A very wise friend of mine pointed out that maybe this is God's way of getting me to work on trusting, so I can live the life that He wants me to have.
Wow.... I mean WOW!
Luke 18:17 (Message)
Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in.
As a child, I did not have an issue giving control over to God. It was a non-issue. I was used to relying on my parents to take care of me. I have to accept God's kingdom with the simplicity of a child.
So I have to unlearn what I have learned. I have to develop a new habit. A habit that may look strange from the worlds point of view. I have to form a new learned behavior.
It's not easy. I guess there is no easy way out. I have to rely on God to help me stay true to my decision.
Lord,
Take my job search and make it what you want it to be. Send the job my way that you know I should have and show me the steps to take to get there. Thank you for sending wise people into my life to help me through the hard times. Be with my friends and family. I love you,
Brie!
And yet as we grow up we are taught to be responsible and to fend for ourselves. We are taught how to survive and how to succeed.
Life teaches us to be self-sufficient.
Today, I found out that I did not get the job that I really wanted to get. It's funny how I know that it is God's will and that He has something else(probably better) for me to do. I still have a hard time just giving it up and trusting.
Why is it that some things are so easy to do and others so hard? Why is it that control is one of the hardest things for us to give up?
I was thinking today of how hard it must be for someone with a mental disability to take medication. The Human brain works differently then common sense. Many times we realize what we are suppose to do and yet our brains tell us otherwise. Giving in and taking a medication to be normal, kind of feels like the same type of idea as giving up control and allowing God to take over. The problem is that giving up control is not common sense, but a learned behavior. It goes against what we have been taught. It goes against the World. But it is a behavior I have to learn.
How can I make it easier for myself to give my control up? Is there some step I can take to make it easier?
A very wise friend of mine pointed out that maybe this is God's way of getting me to work on trusting, so I can live the life that He wants me to have.
Wow.... I mean WOW!
Luke 18:17 (Message)
Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in.
As a child, I did not have an issue giving control over to God. It was a non-issue. I was used to relying on my parents to take care of me. I have to accept God's kingdom with the simplicity of a child.
So I have to unlearn what I have learned. I have to develop a new habit. A habit that may look strange from the worlds point of view. I have to form a new learned behavior.
It's not easy. I guess there is no easy way out. I have to rely on God to help me stay true to my decision.
Lord,
Take my job search and make it what you want it to be. Send the job my way that you know I should have and show me the steps to take to get there. Thank you for sending wise people into my life to help me through the hard times. Be with my friends and family. I love you,
Brie!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Am I Trusting God?
The last month has been a growing experience for me. The upheaval of my life was very discouraging and troubling for me. I have to say that there were many times that I questioned God. Many times that I misunderstood what was going on with me.
My mother pointed out that in one of my previous posts that I stated that God took away my job. She wanted to ensure that I was not blaming God. I had never thought of it that way. It's amazing how people can see different things in the way we say things. I feel like I should have said that God allowed me to loose my job. God allowed a big wake up call to hit my life.
Today I was thinking about the whole situation. How have I grown through this experience? Have I learned to trust in God more? Have I leaned on him for support? Have I done it all on my own again?
Well in short it was God. I can take no credit for the changes in my life. I can only say that I went up the mountain and came back different. I did not change anything about myself, God did. He changed my focus. He changed my life.
Almost everything has worked out. I got my car back(Again). I've had some wonderful job interviews that have opened up new doors that could help me to grow in new ways. I've been able to take a step back and work on my friendship with C. I've gone back to church. I've been taking time to talk more with God. I've spent a lot of time with M that I would not have been able to before. I got to be in the hospital with my Mom when she had a procedure. I've even gotten to share my faith with three people that God brought into my life.
God has done wonders! Yet, I still find myself trying to take control. Can I solely trust in God? Can I trust in God to give me a job? Can I trust God to help me when M leaves? Can I trust God to guide my friendships and relationships? AM I TRUSTING GOD?
I realize that I have a lot to learn. God has done everything for me and yet I still want to be in control.
When I was driving to Baltimore, I heard about how many 25ish year olds were unable to make it in society today because they were protected from it by their parents giving them everything. They had really never had to fend for themselves. But since they did not have the experience of struggle they never really learned how to grow from it. Instead the just gave up and were moving back home.
How can we grow if never take chances? We can't. How can we grow if we don't learn to trust? We can't. How can we grow if we don't try? We can't. If we stay in the comfort of the nest we will never learn to fly. The bird that never leaves the nest, dies.
I seem to be able to take chances. I spend a lot of time trying, but I have a hard time trusting. I have to give it all up. I have to trust.
Matthew 6:25-34 NIV
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
My mother pointed out that in one of my previous posts that I stated that God took away my job. She wanted to ensure that I was not blaming God. I had never thought of it that way. It's amazing how people can see different things in the way we say things. I feel like I should have said that God allowed me to loose my job. God allowed a big wake up call to hit my life.
Today I was thinking about the whole situation. How have I grown through this experience? Have I learned to trust in God more? Have I leaned on him for support? Have I done it all on my own again?
Well in short it was God. I can take no credit for the changes in my life. I can only say that I went up the mountain and came back different. I did not change anything about myself, God did. He changed my focus. He changed my life.
Almost everything has worked out. I got my car back(Again). I've had some wonderful job interviews that have opened up new doors that could help me to grow in new ways. I've been able to take a step back and work on my friendship with C. I've gone back to church. I've been taking time to talk more with God. I've spent a lot of time with M that I would not have been able to before. I got to be in the hospital with my Mom when she had a procedure. I've even gotten to share my faith with three people that God brought into my life.
God has done wonders! Yet, I still find myself trying to take control. Can I solely trust in God? Can I trust in God to give me a job? Can I trust God to help me when M leaves? Can I trust God to guide my friendships and relationships? AM I TRUSTING GOD?
I realize that I have a lot to learn. God has done everything for me and yet I still want to be in control.
When I was driving to Baltimore, I heard about how many 25ish year olds were unable to make it in society today because they were protected from it by their parents giving them everything. They had really never had to fend for themselves. But since they did not have the experience of struggle they never really learned how to grow from it. Instead the just gave up and were moving back home.
How can we grow if never take chances? We can't. How can we grow if we don't learn to trust? We can't. How can we grow if we don't try? We can't. If we stay in the comfort of the nest we will never learn to fly. The bird that never leaves the nest, dies.
I seem to be able to take chances. I spend a lot of time trying, but I have a hard time trusting. I have to give it all up. I have to trust.
Matthew 6:25-34 NIV
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
God is going to take care of me. He's going to take care of my needs. He'll secure me that job. He'll help me with my friendships and relationships. He'll comfort me through my loneliness.
Lord,
Please help me to trust you more. It's hard to give it all up. To stop trying to do it on my own, but I realize that I can't do it. I need you to work things out the way you see is best. Be with my family and friends. I love you.
Brie!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friendship
It's funny how people come and go through your life without the blink of an eye. I've gone through numerous close friends that are now just a mere memory. But I've also seen many friends come and stay for a long time.
Today, I am thinking of my best friend. He's made a decision to move to Hawaii to pursue a new degree. I have to say that I'm ecstatic for him following his dreams, and yet I'm very scared for him and myself.
M is the yin to my yang. We are exact opposites both personality wise and as far as our birthdates are concerned. And yet we are bet friends.
We all know from magnets that opposites attract, and that has never been so clear as with M and I. We rarely fight or have a heated disagreement. We throw ideas at each other, knowing that the other has our best interest at heart. We are there to support each other through the rough times. We piss each other off at all the right times. He tells me what I don't want to hear. There are times when he can voice what is in my head without my needing to say it. He is my constant adviser and worst critic.
I am really not sure how my life is going to change with him 5,000 miles away. Will we loose touch? Will he still be there for me? Will he call me when he's hurting and lonely?
It is amazing how distance can change a friendship. As humans we are very much in tune to the out of sight, out of mind philosophy. I wonder how much M will be crossing my mind and vice versa.
He hates it when I say he is my little brother, but he is family to me. He is my brother.
Proverbs 17:17 NIV
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
I love how the Message states it.
17 Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
I will always love M.
God has given me a wonderful support network, and yet that is being changed now as well. I don't know where this year will take me, but I do know that God has a plan.
Lord,
Thank you for giving me a strong group of friends that are supportive of me. In this time of change, please be with M and I as things change. Help us to be able to come out of this situation better than we started. I love you Lord.
Brie!
Today, I am thinking of my best friend. He's made a decision to move to Hawaii to pursue a new degree. I have to say that I'm ecstatic for him following his dreams, and yet I'm very scared for him and myself.
M is the yin to my yang. We are exact opposites both personality wise and as far as our birthdates are concerned. And yet we are bet friends.
We all know from magnets that opposites attract, and that has never been so clear as with M and I. We rarely fight or have a heated disagreement. We throw ideas at each other, knowing that the other has our best interest at heart. We are there to support each other through the rough times. We piss each other off at all the right times. He tells me what I don't want to hear. There are times when he can voice what is in my head without my needing to say it. He is my constant adviser and worst critic.
I am really not sure how my life is going to change with him 5,000 miles away. Will we loose touch? Will he still be there for me? Will he call me when he's hurting and lonely?
It is amazing how distance can change a friendship. As humans we are very much in tune to the out of sight, out of mind philosophy. I wonder how much M will be crossing my mind and vice versa.
He hates it when I say he is my little brother, but he is family to me. He is my brother.
Proverbs 17:17 NIV
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
I love how the Message states it.
17 Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
I will always love M.
God has given me a wonderful support network, and yet that is being changed now as well. I don't know where this year will take me, but I do know that God has a plan.
Lord,
Thank you for giving me a strong group of friends that are supportive of me. In this time of change, please be with M and I as things change. Help us to be able to come out of this situation better than we started. I love you Lord.
Brie!
Monday, May 19, 2008
What happened???
I'm really not sure if I am ever going to actually post this entry.
During my time of walking away from God a lot of things happened, one of which was that I ended up in a relationship. It was very interesting because neither of us really decided to pursue a relationship, it just kind of happened. It ended when C decided it was not what he wanted at this time. Since the we have been working on our friendship, but it's very disjointed and confusing.
I'm actually glad that the relationship did not go any further, because now this and other aspects have forced me into a very reflective spot where I need to evaluate the why behind things. It also is a time where I need to make some decisions.
During my time at Annapolis Rock, I did some soul searching and realized that God was not part of my relationship. Brings back to mind that unequally yoked text. I mean we talked about it in the beginning, but I was unconsciously walking away from God and it made that part seem less important.
I found myself filling my life with things and this relationship was one of them. Now, I'm not saying that the relationship was bad, I'm saying that I was using it to fill the emptiness that was left when I did not have God in my heart.
It's amazing how quickly we try to fill that empty space in our hearts. We try so hard to fill it with money, possessions, relationships, food. Anything to make us feel better at that time.
A good friend of mine does so much work to fill that hole in their life. It seems that they are always filling it with the next thing. They get into one practice thinking that it will fill them up. When that practice fails after a few weeks it is off to discovering the next practice.
I've been filling it with work, relationship and friends. The one thing I know is that God always has the upper hand when it comes to my life. He quickly shook up my comfort, took away my job. Shook up my life, took away my relationship. He sent people in to give me the wake up call.
I'm waking up, slowly.
I need to remember that no job, no relationship, no friend can replace God. He gave everything for me, gave me everything, and yet I pushed him away.
God has a plan for my life. I need to let him drive and stop getting in the way. Then he can give me the job he wants me to have, give me the relationship that is built around Him, and give me the life he envisions for me.
It's not about what I want to do anymore, it's about what he wants me to do.
I SURRENDER ALL
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
Lord,
Be with me through these rough times. Help give me the strength to make the decisions that you want me to make. Be with my ex, my friends and my family. I give it all to you.
Brie!
During my time of walking away from God a lot of things happened, one of which was that I ended up in a relationship. It was very interesting because neither of us really decided to pursue a relationship, it just kind of happened. It ended when C decided it was not what he wanted at this time. Since the we have been working on our friendship, but it's very disjointed and confusing.
I'm actually glad that the relationship did not go any further, because now this and other aspects have forced me into a very reflective spot where I need to evaluate the why behind things. It also is a time where I need to make some decisions.
During my time at Annapolis Rock, I did some soul searching and realized that God was not part of my relationship. Brings back to mind that unequally yoked text. I mean we talked about it in the beginning, but I was unconsciously walking away from God and it made that part seem less important.
I found myself filling my life with things and this relationship was one of them. Now, I'm not saying that the relationship was bad, I'm saying that I was using it to fill the emptiness that was left when I did not have God in my heart.
It's amazing how quickly we try to fill that empty space in our hearts. We try so hard to fill it with money, possessions, relationships, food. Anything to make us feel better at that time.
A good friend of mine does so much work to fill that hole in their life. It seems that they are always filling it with the next thing. They get into one practice thinking that it will fill them up. When that practice fails after a few weeks it is off to discovering the next practice.
I've been filling it with work, relationship and friends. The one thing I know is that God always has the upper hand when it comes to my life. He quickly shook up my comfort, took away my job. Shook up my life, took away my relationship. He sent people in to give me the wake up call.
I'm waking up, slowly.
I need to remember that no job, no relationship, no friend can replace God. He gave everything for me, gave me everything, and yet I pushed him away.
God has a plan for my life. I need to let him drive and stop getting in the way. Then he can give me the job he wants me to have, give me the relationship that is built around Him, and give me the life he envisions for me.
It's not about what I want to do anymore, it's about what he wants me to do.
I SURRENDER ALL
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
Lord,
Be with me through these rough times. Help give me the strength to make the decisions that you want me to make. Be with my ex, my friends and my family. I give it all to you.
Brie!
What happens to us?
Hey all,
I've been looking back over my life the last six months and I've been reminded of a lot of things that have happened in my life.
Six months ago, I was on a spiritual quest.
My life was crazy:
Dad was in the hospital with cancer.
I had no job.
Money was extremely tight.
Was on the edge of giving up my apartment.
God came through in the biggest way. Got Dad on a long road toward recovery, Gave me a job. Put me on top of the world in just a couple days.
It's amazing how God can change your down to up in seconds.
But then comfort kicked in. Quickly all the things I worried about were not as bad anymore. I did not consciously decide it, but I slowly walked away from God.
How is it that when things get good, we forget who gave them to us? We forget about the amazing things He has gotten us through. We forget how He picked us up from the rubble and made us safe.
I got a wake up call this past month.
Laid off from my job.
Car got stolen from in front of my apartment.
Gave up my Apartment. (Seems Logical!)
My relationship ended.
All this in about three weeks.
Yet through it God was whispering.
He sent word through my Dad, "You have not blogged for a while."
He sent word through Pastor Kumar, "Haven't see you at church for a bit. Everything okay?"
He sent word through Dad again, relating that his walk has been harder lately because he was not spending as much time with God.
So I'm back. Church has been great! You never realize how much you miss it until you go back.
Two weeks ago I took a day off for some alone time with God. I took my Bible and a journal and pen. I hiked to Annapolis rock and spent the night. Quiet time can be hard. If you've read my past entries you know I was having a hard time with 10 minutes and now I was gone indefinitely.
When I got away my mind was racing. I prayed God would help settle my mind and clear my thoughts.
During that time I came tomany conclusions about myself. One is that my comfort or success as the world sees it varies indirectly with my relationship with God. So the more comfortable I get (extra money, less bills) the less I look toward God.
It seems that the more comfortable we get the less we think we need God. Instead we indulge in the comforts of the world. I don't want my life to keep going down that path. I need a change.
Lord,
Help me to be the person that you want me to be. Help keep me on the path toward You. This world is full of distractions and roadblocks. Many are shiny and get my attention quickly. Help me to see through those distractions and help me to understand what I continuing to keep me back. I praise you for all the good you have brought into my life. Be with my family and friends.
I Love You,
Brie
I've been looking back over my life the last six months and I've been reminded of a lot of things that have happened in my life.
Six months ago, I was on a spiritual quest.
My life was crazy:
Dad was in the hospital with cancer.
I had no job.
Money was extremely tight.
Was on the edge of giving up my apartment.
God came through in the biggest way. Got Dad on a long road toward recovery, Gave me a job. Put me on top of the world in just a couple days.
It's amazing how God can change your down to up in seconds.
But then comfort kicked in. Quickly all the things I worried about were not as bad anymore. I did not consciously decide it, but I slowly walked away from God.
How is it that when things get good, we forget who gave them to us? We forget about the amazing things He has gotten us through. We forget how He picked us up from the rubble and made us safe.
I got a wake up call this past month.
Laid off from my job.
Car got stolen from in front of my apartment.
Gave up my Apartment. (Seems Logical!)
My relationship ended.
All this in about three weeks.
Yet through it God was whispering.
He sent word through my Dad, "You have not blogged for a while."
He sent word through Pastor Kumar, "Haven't see you at church for a bit. Everything okay?"
He sent word through Dad again, relating that his walk has been harder lately because he was not spending as much time with God.
So I'm back. Church has been great! You never realize how much you miss it until you go back.
Two weeks ago I took a day off for some alone time with God. I took my Bible and a journal and pen. I hiked to Annapolis rock and spent the night. Quiet time can be hard. If you've read my past entries you know I was having a hard time with 10 minutes and now I was gone indefinitely.
When I got away my mind was racing. I prayed God would help settle my mind and clear my thoughts.
During that time I came tomany conclusions about myself. One is that my comfort or success as the world sees it varies indirectly with my relationship with God. So the more comfortable I get (extra money, less bills) the less I look toward God.
Matthew 19:23-24 (New International Version)
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
It seems that the more comfortable we get the less we think we need God. Instead we indulge in the comforts of the world. I don't want my life to keep going down that path. I need a change.
Lord,
Help me to be the person that you want me to be. Help keep me on the path toward You. This world is full of distractions and roadblocks. Many are shiny and get my attention quickly. Help me to see through those distractions and help me to understand what I continuing to keep me back. I praise you for all the good you have brought into my life. Be with my family and friends.
I Love You,
Brie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)