Glimpses of a path...

I have to admit that I got even more down after my last post, because a job that I thought I was going to be offered, fell through. I'm still in shock that with the amount of direct experience that I have in the tutoring field that they did not offer it to me. This seems to be definitely not the job that God wants me to have at this time.

It's funny how God lets people know when things are bad. My cousin Shelly always seems to know when I am at my lowest. She has been checking in with me every day for the week. Sometimes several times a day. On top of that my friend S IM'd and said that she was just impressed that she needed to talk to me. She asked me several times if I wanted her to come down after work, and finally I gave in. It would be a couple hours before she would get there though.

So I decided to commune with God over it while I began to walk. I must have walked my development for a good hour in the rain. I cried quite a bit. God gave me strength by sending powerful songs through my phone. It was so good to be lifted bit by bit through it all.

When I got back I showered and changed just in time for S to come. We went down to Friday's for a little bit and just had some spinach dip and chips. It was good to see her since it had been almost a month since the last time. We chatted about how things were going, her new job, the married life. It helped and hurt at the same time. I was trying hard not to be jealous. We talked a bit about R leaving and I explained more of the situation to her.

When we got back to my place, I got a call from GWU asking me for an interview. I was a bit relieved, but at the same time I was still so down that I was not even excited about the opportunity. I guess I've gotten into a spot of being so low that I really am weary of getting excited about anything.

A little later I had my first conversation with R since he left. He is safe and secure in VA. Through the conversation he asked me to accept their relationship and not to say bad things about it or his ex. I agreed. Then he went on and on over the same things, like he felt he needed to hound me into it. I told him over and over that I will do my best. I wonder if that hounding was more for him then me. Like he was trying to convince himself. I realized late in the conversation that his ex was there with him as he typed.

Wednesday morning I called Unemployment because I got a letter that said that I needed to reapply. I did not get this since it has only been 5 months since I was laid off. When I called I asked the lady about it and she said that since I had applied last summer they had just reopened my previous claim. That means that as of sept 7, we opened a claim for a new calendar year. Giving me another 26 weeks of unemployment. I have to say that it was confusing, but God is good! I could feel it was a sign that he was looking out for me.

A little later I was IM'd again by R. He began hounding me again about accepting their relationship. I told him I would a couple times before I finally asked him to stop because if he kept on doing it then we would not even be left with a friendship. He agreed and apologized. We had some simple surface level conversations from there and that was it. Luckily we had an hour long conversation yesterday online where we finally were able to get back into some normal conversation. I thank you Lord, for allowing me to see glimpses of my friend once again.

My interview went really well. I felt once again that God interviewed for me in this situation. It really all went like a breeze. I had interviewed with the one lady before and the other was the person in that was last in the position that had been promoted. So I felt very good about it all.

Dad has been up and down all week, going from having dry heaves, to sleeping all day, to going to work. Mom called this morning letting me know that Dad had I guess hit a curb while leaving the oncologists office. I pray for protection for Dad on his way home today. The Oncologists office wants Dad to have a MRI of his brain today. This gets scary because if the cancer is in his brain chemo will not help. Things are definitely changing in my life, but I keep having to remember that God is in control.

I may never know the reasons behind why I have not been employed before now, or why R decided to leave, or why Dad is going through so much. But I need to try to stop worrying about each of these situations and leave them in God's hands.

I have to stand firm on God's rock. I have to believe that through every storm, trial and tribulation that God is protecting me.

I heard this song yesterday on the radio that got to me a little. It reminds me that through everything that seems to be going wrong, God has build a strong foundation for me, though I make mistakes, stumble and fall. I will not be moved!



Lord,

Things are still in chaos in my life. I praise you for sending me your encouragement through people and songs. I pray that you take my job search once again. You know what you want me to do, and I am going to let you work. I pray that you are with R and his situation. I am praying for your will in his life, I know you have it under control, but I ask you to give him strength and comfort when he needs it. I am also praying that if it is your will that you heal my Father. I pray for strength for Mom, Scott and I as we deal with the day to day. I praise you Lord, for giving me such a strong family that really knows how to support each other through these hard times.

I love you,

Brie!