Today is a beautiful day. I really feel God working in my life. I have to say that even though I have had my ups and downs as far as life has gone, God has always been consistent.
My life at the current moment is full of many changes. In the past month I have had three friendships change.
D moved back to Michigan. She had been having a hard time making it here in Maryland, and though our group of friends was able to help her through some hard times, it was best for her to go to where she is comfortable and thriving. I really took her leaving hard. I was surprised at how hard it was for me. Even though we did not see each other on the regular, it was comforting to know that I would see her smile at church. I got to chat with her for a bit online this week and I was so happy to hear that things were really turning out for the best for her. I really do miss her a lot.
The second change was that C and I took a break from each other. Other than a occasional IM we have not really communicated for the last month. I feel this is best for the both of us at this point. I was unable to just be friends. I have the ability to turn off feelings most of the time, but I don't know why this time I couldn't. I always felt he was sending me mixed messages and it just got to the point where it was not going to work. Through it all I've realized that our relationship was probably holding him back in some ways from finding himself. Though he made great strides when we were together, I know that my part in helping him is for the most part is over. I miss seeing him. I miss our casual banter. I'm glad to have known him and hopefully someday we can hang out again as friends.
The final change has been the hardest. M finally moved to Hawaii. This just happened on Sunday. I really don't think that the impact from this has really even hit me yet. I find myself hesitating to move my stuff into his room. I'm not wanting to change things around the house. Hunter kept running to the door last night when he heard the outside door open. I know he misses him as well. It is weird to be in the condo alone at night. I cooked last night and put some aside for him without even thinking about it. It's strange how even though S and my other friends are here, I feel so lonely.
He's begun a Hawaii blog:
http://zenimages.blogspot.com/
I know that S and I are both going through this in different ways. It's interesting how we deal with things so differently. She is comforted more by talking with him on the phone. I feel good when I read from his blog or get a text. I keep reminding myself that this whole set of changes are going to be good. I can feel things ramping up toward great things.
I'm glad that God has given us the ability to reflect. I've been thinking a lot about the past. It's amazing how I remember the good times the most. M and I have had some adventures, snow in Sedona, crazy times in Montreal, late night watching snow fall in Philly, cruise seating with a librarian from NY and a guy from the midwest who could not cut steak. Life has been good, and these good times will be etched into my memory forever.
It's amazing how God knows our needs before we ever do. Some people God brings into our life for a day, others for a few months, others for a few years, and others for lifetime. God has definitely given me a friend for a lifetime with M.
As my road goes on and things continue to change, I know that He has a plan. God has showed His love through the kindness of my friends. He has helped me to see a glimpse of the love that He has for me. But the full knowledge of that Love I will not understand until I reach heaven, because God does not built friendships that only last days, months, or years. He builds a friendship that lasts for eternity.
Psalm 136:1 NIV
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Life is hard right now, Lord. It's full of changes and struggles. I'm unsure of where you are leading, but I need your strength to keep taking each step. You've brought such wonderful examples of your Love into my life. I praise you for that. Keep leading me in your path. Be with my family and friends. Especially M as he adjusts to his new life. Be with those of us that he left behind, help us to adjust and grow in you. I'm in awe that through each stumble and fall that I make that you continually pick me up, clean me up, and place me one step closer to where you want me to be. Continue to guide us all in your light.
Brie!
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