What happened???

I'm really not sure if I am ever going to actually post this entry.

During my time of walking away from God a lot of things happened, one of which was that I ended up in a relationship. It was very interesting because neither of us really decided to pursue a relationship, it just kind of happened. It ended when C decided it was not what he wanted at this time. Since the we have been working on our friendship, but it's very disjointed and confusing.

I'm actually glad that the relationship did not go any further, because now this and other aspects have forced me into a very reflective spot where I need to evaluate the why behind things. It also is a time where I need to make some decisions.

During my time at Annapolis Rock, I did some soul searching and realized that God was not part of my relationship. Brings back to mind that unequally yoked text. I mean we talked about it in the beginning, but I was unconsciously walking away from God and it made that part seem less important.

I found myself filling my life with things and this relationship was one of them. Now, I'm not saying that the relationship was bad, I'm saying that I was using it to fill the emptiness that was left when I did not have God in my heart.

It's amazing how quickly we try to fill that empty space in our hearts. We try so hard to fill it with money, possessions, relationships, food. Anything to make us feel better at that time.

A good friend of mine does so much work to fill that hole in their life. It seems that they are always filling it with the next thing. They get into one practice thinking that it will fill them up. When that practice fails after a few weeks it is off to discovering the next practice.

I've been filling it with work, relationship and friends. The one thing I know is that God always has the upper hand when it comes to my life. He quickly shook up my comfort, took away my job. Shook up my life, took away my relationship. He sent people in to give me the wake up call.

I'm waking up, slowly.

I need to remember that no job, no relationship, no friend can replace God. He gave everything for me, gave me everything, and yet I pushed him away.

God has a plan for my life. I need to let him drive and stop getting in the way. Then he can give me the job he wants me to have, give me the relationship that is built around Him, and give me the life he envisions for me.

It's not about what I want to do anymore, it's about what he wants me to do.

I SURRENDER ALL

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

Lord,

Be with me through these rough times. Help give me the strength to make the decisions that you want me to make. Be with my ex, my friends and my family. I give it all to you.

Brie!