When God works in your life, you have to be prepared for life to change quickly and drastically. Most of the time things change and it takes some time to get used to the changes. I think that is the period that I am going through now.
There are going to be aspects of my life that are going to change in the next few weeks. It's going to take time for me to adjust to these changes. I have not worked a 9 to 5 job for over a year. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared.
This is a time where I'll have to rely on God to keep guiding and helping me through each day. He knows the challenges that I will go through. He knows the support that I'm going to need along the way.
I'm glad that God knows my needs before they come up. I am glad that God has given me friends to help me get through each day. I am glad that God has given me a supportive family.
The one thing that I need to do is continue to rely on God through the good times. When I became employed before and things became comfortable, I began to rely on myself. I have to keep my focus on God. He will work things out for me. I need to remind myself each day that God is taking care of my needs and burdens. He has them under his control. He does not need me to do anything but trust in Him.
When I take things back into my hands and start trusting in myself, it means that I am not trusting solely in God. When we do not trust in God, He does not always allow us to have all of the blessings that He could give us.
Numbers 20:6-12 NIV
Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
When Moses struck the rock, he was not trusting in God. Even though God still gave the Israelites a blessing, He did not allow Moses to complete the journey. God had a better idea in store for Moses, but because Moses did not trust, that life changed. It was cut short. Moses never was able to see the end result of his work.
How many times do we stop trusting and expect God to still come through with blessings? Do we expect the best from life even through we are not following and trusting in God? In order for us to live within God's plan, we have to trust in Him 24/7.
Lord,
Please give me the strength and conviction to keep focused on my relationship with You. I know that You have a wonderful plan for me that is much better than I could even imagine. Please be with my prayer requests, especially my Parents and R. I praise you for giving us some good days with Dad. It is so good to see him doing better.
I love You!
Brie!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
I GOT A JOB!
How quickly a day can change. I've never cried so much in my life. God really came through with the GWU job! I still can not believe that it is true! I don't start until October 5th, but I'm so excited I'm sure I won't mind waiting.
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just Another Manic Monday?
Once again Monday has brought my life to a strange place. Actually it started last night talking with Mom and finding out that Dad's nausea and vomiting has returned. It happened through Saturday and Sunday nights.
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Up and down!
Why is it whenever I feel like I make a few steps forward, I take even more backwards? I give my problems over to the Lord, only to take them back. It seems like I do this over and over again.
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Focusing on the blessings!
The last day has really been testing my strength. Through it all I have friends and family worried about me. Seems like everything just came to a head and reality struck once again.
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Lost in ourselves...
I'm not even sure how to start this blog posting. Once in a while a startling event comes into play that changes your outlook. That is exactly what happened today. It changed a lot of my point of view and has started me questioning.
Last night, I was out with some friends at a restaurant and it was Kid's night. As much as I like kids, it slightly annoyed me and kind of put me into a reflective state. The kids were bouncing all around and being crazy with the musician that was there specifically for them. If I had a partner and children it would have been great, but I don't.
So after we left I got into a mood that really set me into a selfish phase. The whole thing made me miss R a lot. While he was here we had a lot of good times. I felt the companionship that I do feel is lacking in my life. I though about how good R was with my friend Janice's son, Nick. I really got selfish and was feeling sorry for myself that I did not have that. It plagued me throughout the evening and into the night.
My mind was busy imagining how family life would be like. Spending time with other couples and with family. I could see what I once again want in my life. I thought about the joy that my having a family would bring to my parents. I also missed the companionship that R had brought into my life. I cried a bit. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like my life will never get to that point and how unfair that is for me. I felt sorry for myself.
This morning I saw R online, I've been keeping a lot of my personal feelings involving him to myself, so that we can preserve our friendship. Almost immediately he told me that his partner's mother is not going to make it. I was shocked about the news. I knew she had surgery last Friday, but thought everything was fine. I immediately felt guilty for my feelings the night before. I tried my best to give R encouragement and support. I let him know that I am here if he needs me.
Afterward, I texted a few people to have them pray for the family. I really was feeling guilty for my thoughts of the night before, so I went and walked. During my walk I worked through a lot of my guilt and selfishness. I had to lay my feelings down for God to take, so that I could be there for my friend. I know that God wants R to be there at this time and I am to help support him through the hard times.
As I was just finishing my walk I got a text that she had passed. I reminded him that God is working in his life. Just keep trusting in God and he will see you through. I also sent him my blog posting on strength.
I know that times will be hard with them, but I pray that God will surround them, protect them and comfort them.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 91:11
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Lord,
Please be with R, his partner and family. I know that death is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Give them the strength they need to deal with the changes in their lives. Have your angels surround them and comfort them. Also Lord, I pray that you remove the selfishness from my heart and renew your strength within me so I can support my friend. Be with my family as we still go through hard times. Bless Mom and Dad in a special way today. We are all homesick to be home with you Lord. Please keep us all longing for that day.
I love You!
Brie!
Last night, I was out with some friends at a restaurant and it was Kid's night. As much as I like kids, it slightly annoyed me and kind of put me into a reflective state. The kids were bouncing all around and being crazy with the musician that was there specifically for them. If I had a partner and children it would have been great, but I don't.
So after we left I got into a mood that really set me into a selfish phase. The whole thing made me miss R a lot. While he was here we had a lot of good times. I felt the companionship that I do feel is lacking in my life. I though about how good R was with my friend Janice's son, Nick. I really got selfish and was feeling sorry for myself that I did not have that. It plagued me throughout the evening and into the night.
My mind was busy imagining how family life would be like. Spending time with other couples and with family. I could see what I once again want in my life. I thought about the joy that my having a family would bring to my parents. I also missed the companionship that R had brought into my life. I cried a bit. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt like my life will never get to that point and how unfair that is for me. I felt sorry for myself.
This morning I saw R online, I've been keeping a lot of my personal feelings involving him to myself, so that we can preserve our friendship. Almost immediately he told me that his partner's mother is not going to make it. I was shocked about the news. I knew she had surgery last Friday, but thought everything was fine. I immediately felt guilty for my feelings the night before. I tried my best to give R encouragement and support. I let him know that I am here if he needs me.
Afterward, I texted a few people to have them pray for the family. I really was feeling guilty for my thoughts of the night before, so I went and walked. During my walk I worked through a lot of my guilt and selfishness. I had to lay my feelings down for God to take, so that I could be there for my friend. I know that God wants R to be there at this time and I am to help support him through the hard times.
As I was just finishing my walk I got a text that she had passed. I reminded him that God is working in his life. Just keep trusting in God and he will see you through. I also sent him my blog posting on strength.
I know that times will be hard with them, but I pray that God will surround them, protect them and comfort them.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 91:11
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Lord,
Please be with R, his partner and family. I know that death is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Give them the strength they need to deal with the changes in their lives. Have your angels surround them and comfort them. Also Lord, I pray that you remove the selfishness from my heart and renew your strength within me so I can support my friend. Be with my family as we still go through hard times. Bless Mom and Dad in a special way today. We are all homesick to be home with you Lord. Please keep us all longing for that day.
I love You!
Brie!
Monday, September 15, 2008
What a difference a week makes!
Well once again I am feeling like I am on the upswing of the down that I experienced last week. I have had a week of uncertainty in so many areas of my life that I had to just cling onto God's promise to watch over and protect me.
Reflecting over the past week I can see the strength that God has built into me. Strength that I have no power over. Strength that I can not make stronger, because it is given from God. A week ago I was crying and could not fall asleep. Tonight, I am riding high on God's promises to take care of me.
What changed?
Early in the day today, God gave me my first bit of good news. At the appointment with the Oncologist this morning my parents found out that Dad does not show any signs of having the cancer in his Brain. Now he does still have cancer through many area of his body and the Doctor keeps reminding us that it is not curable. I know that if it had been in his brain, Dad would have been on a much shorter road. Thank you, Lord for looking out for him all the time. I praise you for ever extra minute that you allow my father to be still in our lives.
A little later, I was talking with R online. We were having a good supportive chat praising God for giving us good news with Dad. The piece of the conversation that really hit home is that R said "I miss our chats and miss you too." I was very happy to see this because I have been trying so hard to not down his relationship and be supportive, and yet it kept feeling he was somewhat cold and distant. I was even more amazed when he later said that he even told his partner that he missed me. I think this is the beginning of some real healing in our friendship and hopefully his relationship. I know it is hard for his partner to accept him having a close friend like me that is not sure that their relationship is healthy, but I have decided to trust R's view of it an support him in his decision. Thank you, Lord for giving me a glimpse of a friendship that I cherish. I praise you for helping keep R in my life.
Then when I was chatting with S about the job at GWU, she said that the contact for the job stopped by her office today just to clarify some information from Friday. She informed her that I was one of two candidates left for the Accounting Analyst position. I had been a bit discouraged because S had told me Friday that she had said there were some very qualified applicants. Lord, I am yielding to your will on the job front. If it is your will for me to have this position help me to say the words that you would want for them to hear. I praise you, Lord for taking me step by step through this process, building my faith along the way.
So each of the hard times of last week are looking up. God is GOOD!! He is caring and looks out for us every day. All we have to do is let go.
Here is a song that I heard on the radio last week that is quickly becoming the theme song of my life right now, because I am learning that God will work it all out for me if I just let go!
Lord,
I praise you for all of the changes that I have been through in the last week. I know that all of them had your hand in them and I can see you guiding my life. Though I sometimes question the decisions, I know that it will all work out. I ask that you be with me as I step through the trials of this week. Guide my each and every step, and remind me to let go. Be with Mom and Dad in a special way tonight. Comfort them and continue to show your love and support.
I love you,
Brie!
Reflecting over the past week I can see the strength that God has built into me. Strength that I have no power over. Strength that I can not make stronger, because it is given from God. A week ago I was crying and could not fall asleep. Tonight, I am riding high on God's promises to take care of me.
What changed?
Early in the day today, God gave me my first bit of good news. At the appointment with the Oncologist this morning my parents found out that Dad does not show any signs of having the cancer in his Brain. Now he does still have cancer through many area of his body and the Doctor keeps reminding us that it is not curable. I know that if it had been in his brain, Dad would have been on a much shorter road. Thank you, Lord for looking out for him all the time. I praise you for ever extra minute that you allow my father to be still in our lives.
A little later, I was talking with R online. We were having a good supportive chat praising God for giving us good news with Dad. The piece of the conversation that really hit home is that R said "I miss our chats and miss you too." I was very happy to see this because I have been trying so hard to not down his relationship and be supportive, and yet it kept feeling he was somewhat cold and distant. I was even more amazed when he later said that he even told his partner that he missed me. I think this is the beginning of some real healing in our friendship and hopefully his relationship. I know it is hard for his partner to accept him having a close friend like me that is not sure that their relationship is healthy, but I have decided to trust R's view of it an support him in his decision. Thank you, Lord for giving me a glimpse of a friendship that I cherish. I praise you for helping keep R in my life.
Then when I was chatting with S about the job at GWU, she said that the contact for the job stopped by her office today just to clarify some information from Friday. She informed her that I was one of two candidates left for the Accounting Analyst position. I had been a bit discouraged because S had told me Friday that she had said there were some very qualified applicants. Lord, I am yielding to your will on the job front. If it is your will for me to have this position help me to say the words that you would want for them to hear. I praise you, Lord for taking me step by step through this process, building my faith along the way.
So each of the hard times of last week are looking up. God is GOOD!! He is caring and looks out for us every day. All we have to do is let go.
Here is a song that I heard on the radio last week that is quickly becoming the theme song of my life right now, because I am learning that God will work it all out for me if I just let go!
Lord,
I praise you for all of the changes that I have been through in the last week. I know that all of them had your hand in them and I can see you guiding my life. Though I sometimes question the decisions, I know that it will all work out. I ask that you be with me as I step through the trials of this week. Guide my each and every step, and remind me to let go. Be with Mom and Dad in a special way tonight. Comfort them and continue to show your love and support.
I love you,
Brie!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Where does my strength come from?
I've been doing a lot of reading the last few days and am starting to come to some conclusions of where I have been going wrong in life. Last night when I was walking in the dark once again, I found myself pleading to God. My brain has been working overtime trying to think things through. I have been depressed about how things were going. I have been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope.
Earlier in the day, I had sent messages to the people who are have been supporting me through my trials lately. I received words of encouragement from all but one, R. I have to say that this bothered me quite a bit because our friendship has been built on our relationships with God.
As the day went on I became more down. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. When I began my walk I was crying a lot. As I talked with God he slowly made me understand a few things about where my life is going right now.
He pointed out that a lot of my energy over the last few weeks has gone into helping R. I did not feel that God was saying that this was time wasted, but that it was energy that now needed to be redirected into my parents. Energy that God was giving me to help them through day by day.
God also reminded me of how He has it all under control. He showed me how I was growing and reminded me of times he had helped me in the past. He reminded me that even though I am not working He is taking care of my needs. He reminded me that my family is strong and that I need to be there for him.
But most of all he reminded me not to go to others first when I have a problem, go to Him. I feel like we all have a issue with this in life. We talk to everyone else asking what we should do before we even think of talking to God.
So I'm taking more time to talk with God about my trials. I am currently reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado, and the chapters I read last night dealt with the burdens of fear and loneliness. Both are things that I am dealing with right now. I am reminded of the 23rd Psalm. Verse 4 says, "I will fear no evil. You are with me" (NKJV).
I need to get my strength and comfort from God. He is the only one who can be consistent with being a support for me. In life, even our best supports let us down at times, but God is always there for us.
Jesus turned first to him in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Luke 22:39-46
Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."
Even his disciples let him down, but God didn't. An angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him.
Last night, prayed for God to take the burdens from me, but also that his will be done. Not long afterward, I felt my mood changing. My phone started playing more upbeat praise music. God strengthened me. Changed my outlook. Gave me another glimpse of the path.
Even through God has begun changing my attitude and outlook, I occasionally still feel down. But I believe He will strengthen me more over the days to come.
Lord,
I praise You for carrying me through this valley of sorrow. I know I am just beginning to leave it and that I still need to rely on You to get me through. I praise You for carrying me each step. I pray that You are with my Parents. We are going through some really rough times, but we know You are in control. Help us to keep that faith in You, Lord. Help me to be a strength to them through this.
I will praise You in this storm,
Brie!
Earlier in the day, I had sent messages to the people who are have been supporting me through my trials lately. I received words of encouragement from all but one, R. I have to say that this bothered me quite a bit because our friendship has been built on our relationships with God.
As the day went on I became more down. I was feeling very lonely and isolated. When I began my walk I was crying a lot. As I talked with God he slowly made me understand a few things about where my life is going right now.
He pointed out that a lot of my energy over the last few weeks has gone into helping R. I did not feel that God was saying that this was time wasted, but that it was energy that now needed to be redirected into my parents. Energy that God was giving me to help them through day by day.
God also reminded me of how He has it all under control. He showed me how I was growing and reminded me of times he had helped me in the past. He reminded me that even though I am not working He is taking care of my needs. He reminded me that my family is strong and that I need to be there for him.
But most of all he reminded me not to go to others first when I have a problem, go to Him. I feel like we all have a issue with this in life. We talk to everyone else asking what we should do before we even think of talking to God.
So I'm taking more time to talk with God about my trials. I am currently reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado, and the chapters I read last night dealt with the burdens of fear and loneliness. Both are things that I am dealing with right now. I am reminded of the 23rd Psalm. Verse 4 says, "I will fear no evil. You are with me" (NKJV).
I need to get my strength and comfort from God. He is the only one who can be consistent with being a support for me. In life, even our best supports let us down at times, but God is always there for us.
Jesus turned first to him in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Luke 22:39-46
Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, "Pray that you will not fall into temptation." He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."
Even his disciples let him down, but God didn't. An angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him.
Last night, prayed for God to take the burdens from me, but also that his will be done. Not long afterward, I felt my mood changing. My phone started playing more upbeat praise music. God strengthened me. Changed my outlook. Gave me another glimpse of the path.
Even through God has begun changing my attitude and outlook, I occasionally still feel down. But I believe He will strengthen me more over the days to come.
Lord,
I praise You for carrying me through this valley of sorrow. I know I am just beginning to leave it and that I still need to rely on You to get me through. I praise You for carrying me each step. I pray that You are with my Parents. We are going through some really rough times, but we know You are in control. Help us to keep that faith in You, Lord. Help me to be a strength to them through this.
I will praise You in this storm,
Brie!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Glimpses of a path...
I have to admit that I got even more down after my last post, because a job that I thought I was going to be offered, fell through. I'm still in shock that with the amount of direct experience that I have in the tutoring field that they did not offer it to me. This seems to be definitely not the job that God wants me to have at this time.
It's funny how God lets people know when things are bad. My cousin Shelly always seems to know when I am at my lowest. She has been checking in with me every day for the week. Sometimes several times a day. On top of that my friend S IM'd and said that she was just impressed that she needed to talk to me. She asked me several times if I wanted her to come down after work, and finally I gave in. It would be a couple hours before she would get there though.
So I decided to commune with God over it while I began to walk. I must have walked my development for a good hour in the rain. I cried quite a bit. God gave me strength by sending powerful songs through my phone. It was so good to be lifted bit by bit through it all.
When I got back I showered and changed just in time for S to come. We went down to Friday's for a little bit and just had some spinach dip and chips. It was good to see her since it had been almost a month since the last time. We chatted about how things were going, her new job, the married life. It helped and hurt at the same time. I was trying hard not to be jealous. We talked a bit about R leaving and I explained more of the situation to her.
When we got back to my place, I got a call from GWU asking me for an interview. I was a bit relieved, but at the same time I was still so down that I was not even excited about the opportunity. I guess I've gotten into a spot of being so low that I really am weary of getting excited about anything.
A little later I had my first conversation with R since he left. He is safe and secure in VA. Through the conversation he asked me to accept their relationship and not to say bad things about it or his ex. I agreed. Then he went on and on over the same things, like he felt he needed to hound me into it. I told him over and over that I will do my best. I wonder if that hounding was more for him then me. Like he was trying to convince himself. I realized late in the conversation that his ex was there with him as he typed.
Wednesday morning I called Unemployment because I got a letter that said that I needed to reapply. I did not get this since it has only been 5 months since I was laid off. When I called I asked the lady about it and she said that since I had applied last summer they had just reopened my previous claim. That means that as of sept 7, we opened a claim for a new calendar year. Giving me another 26 weeks of unemployment. I have to say that it was confusing, but God is good! I could feel it was a sign that he was looking out for me.
A little later I was IM'd again by R. He began hounding me again about accepting their relationship. I told him I would a couple times before I finally asked him to stop because if he kept on doing it then we would not even be left with a friendship. He agreed and apologized. We had some simple surface level conversations from there and that was it. Luckily we had an hour long conversation yesterday online where we finally were able to get back into some normal conversation. I thank you Lord, for allowing me to see glimpses of my friend once again.
My interview went really well. I felt once again that God interviewed for me in this situation. It really all went like a breeze. I had interviewed with the one lady before and the other was the person in that was last in the position that had been promoted. So I felt very good about it all.
Dad has been up and down all week, going from having dry heaves, to sleeping all day, to going to work. Mom called this morning letting me know that Dad had I guess hit a curb while leaving the oncologists office. I pray for protection for Dad on his way home today. The Oncologists office wants Dad to have a MRI of his brain today. This gets scary because if the cancer is in his brain chemo will not help. Things are definitely changing in my life, but I keep having to remember that God is in control.
I may never know the reasons behind why I have not been employed before now, or why R decided to leave, or why Dad is going through so much. But I need to try to stop worrying about each of these situations and leave them in God's hands.
I have to stand firm on God's rock. I have to believe that through every storm, trial and tribulation that God is protecting me.
I heard this song yesterday on the radio that got to me a little. It reminds me that through everything that seems to be going wrong, God has build a strong foundation for me, though I make mistakes, stumble and fall. I will not be moved!
Lord,
Things are still in chaos in my life. I praise you for sending me your encouragement through people and songs. I pray that you take my job search once again. You know what you want me to do, and I am going to let you work. I pray that you are with R and his situation. I am praying for your will in his life, I know you have it under control, but I ask you to give him strength and comfort when he needs it. I am also praying that if it is your will that you heal my Father. I pray for strength for Mom, Scott and I as we deal with the day to day. I praise you Lord, for giving me such a strong family that really knows how to support each other through these hard times.
I love you,
Brie!
It's funny how God lets people know when things are bad. My cousin Shelly always seems to know when I am at my lowest. She has been checking in with me every day for the week. Sometimes several times a day. On top of that my friend S IM'd and said that she was just impressed that she needed to talk to me. She asked me several times if I wanted her to come down after work, and finally I gave in. It would be a couple hours before she would get there though.
So I decided to commune with God over it while I began to walk. I must have walked my development for a good hour in the rain. I cried quite a bit. God gave me strength by sending powerful songs through my phone. It was so good to be lifted bit by bit through it all.
When I got back I showered and changed just in time for S to come. We went down to Friday's for a little bit and just had some spinach dip and chips. It was good to see her since it had been almost a month since the last time. We chatted about how things were going, her new job, the married life. It helped and hurt at the same time. I was trying hard not to be jealous. We talked a bit about R leaving and I explained more of the situation to her.
When we got back to my place, I got a call from GWU asking me for an interview. I was a bit relieved, but at the same time I was still so down that I was not even excited about the opportunity. I guess I've gotten into a spot of being so low that I really am weary of getting excited about anything.
A little later I had my first conversation with R since he left. He is safe and secure in VA. Through the conversation he asked me to accept their relationship and not to say bad things about it or his ex. I agreed. Then he went on and on over the same things, like he felt he needed to hound me into it. I told him over and over that I will do my best. I wonder if that hounding was more for him then me. Like he was trying to convince himself. I realized late in the conversation that his ex was there with him as he typed.
Wednesday morning I called Unemployment because I got a letter that said that I needed to reapply. I did not get this since it has only been 5 months since I was laid off. When I called I asked the lady about it and she said that since I had applied last summer they had just reopened my previous claim. That means that as of sept 7, we opened a claim for a new calendar year. Giving me another 26 weeks of unemployment. I have to say that it was confusing, but God is good! I could feel it was a sign that he was looking out for me.
A little later I was IM'd again by R. He began hounding me again about accepting their relationship. I told him I would a couple times before I finally asked him to stop because if he kept on doing it then we would not even be left with a friendship. He agreed and apologized. We had some simple surface level conversations from there and that was it. Luckily we had an hour long conversation yesterday online where we finally were able to get back into some normal conversation. I thank you Lord, for allowing me to see glimpses of my friend once again.
My interview went really well. I felt once again that God interviewed for me in this situation. It really all went like a breeze. I had interviewed with the one lady before and the other was the person in that was last in the position that had been promoted. So I felt very good about it all.
Dad has been up and down all week, going from having dry heaves, to sleeping all day, to going to work. Mom called this morning letting me know that Dad had I guess hit a curb while leaving the oncologists office. I pray for protection for Dad on his way home today. The Oncologists office wants Dad to have a MRI of his brain today. This gets scary because if the cancer is in his brain chemo will not help. Things are definitely changing in my life, but I keep having to remember that God is in control.
I may never know the reasons behind why I have not been employed before now, or why R decided to leave, or why Dad is going through so much. But I need to try to stop worrying about each of these situations and leave them in God's hands.
I have to stand firm on God's rock. I have to believe that through every storm, trial and tribulation that God is protecting me.
I heard this song yesterday on the radio that got to me a little. It reminds me that through everything that seems to be going wrong, God has build a strong foundation for me, though I make mistakes, stumble and fall. I will not be moved!
Lord,
Things are still in chaos in my life. I praise you for sending me your encouragement through people and songs. I pray that you take my job search once again. You know what you want me to do, and I am going to let you work. I pray that you are with R and his situation. I am praying for your will in his life, I know you have it under control, but I ask you to give him strength and comfort when he needs it. I am also praying that if it is your will that you heal my Father. I pray for strength for Mom, Scott and I as we deal with the day to day. I praise you Lord, for giving me such a strong family that really knows how to support each other through these hard times.
I love you,
Brie!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Healing!
I'm in a strange spot once again, I feel that my life is in constant chaos and not sure when or if it will ever settle down. Yesterday, I found out a lot of news that really made my head spin.
My day started with finding out that my Dad's cancer has spread. It's moved into his spine, liver and abdomen. We don't know if it has gone further into his brain since they did not perform a scan of that area. The Oncologist really has not given us any hope. He's said many times that this is not curable.
Later the same day, R decided to go back to his ex. He felt that there was unfinished business there that he needed to work out. I can't say that I totally understand what he is going through, but I do agree that he needs to have closure. I really feel that the situation he is in is not going to work for him. I also know I could talk to him until I am blue in the face and nothing will change until he realizes it.
Through it all, God put a song in my mind. "I need thee every hour."
So once again, I am praying for healing!
Isaiah 57:18 "I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners."
I'm praying for healing for my father. I know that there are a lot of things that are stacked against Dad right now, but God is an awesome God that can do anything.
I'm praying for healing for R, so that he can get through his current situation and start to deal with his own fears and insecurities.
I'm praying for healing for my family and I. Our hearts are breaking and torn from all we are going through.
Lord,
I praise you for all of the good in my life. Sometimes it gets hard to see the good through all the turmoil, but I know that you have given me an amazing family that pulls together through hard times. Help us to get through each day stronger through you. I also know you have given me a great support through R. Please help him to work through his current situation and continue to follow your guidance. Help him to give his fears over to you so you can fully work in his life. Lastly Lord, I pray that you help me to keep close to you every day. I need you, Lord.
Brie!
My day started with finding out that my Dad's cancer has spread. It's moved into his spine, liver and abdomen. We don't know if it has gone further into his brain since they did not perform a scan of that area. The Oncologist really has not given us any hope. He's said many times that this is not curable.
Later the same day, R decided to go back to his ex. He felt that there was unfinished business there that he needed to work out. I can't say that I totally understand what he is going through, but I do agree that he needs to have closure. I really feel that the situation he is in is not going to work for him. I also know I could talk to him until I am blue in the face and nothing will change until he realizes it.
Through it all, God put a song in my mind. "I need thee every hour."
So once again, I am praying for healing!
Isaiah 57:18 "I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners."
I'm praying for healing for my father. I know that there are a lot of things that are stacked against Dad right now, but God is an awesome God that can do anything.
I'm praying for healing for R, so that he can get through his current situation and start to deal with his own fears and insecurities.
I'm praying for healing for my family and I. Our hearts are breaking and torn from all we are going through.
Lord,
I praise you for all of the good in my life. Sometimes it gets hard to see the good through all the turmoil, but I know that you have given me an amazing family that pulls together through hard times. Help us to get through each day stronger through you. I also know you have given me a great support through R. Please help him to work through his current situation and continue to follow your guidance. Help him to give his fears over to you so you can fully work in his life. Lastly Lord, I pray that you help me to keep close to you every day. I need you, Lord.
Brie!
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