Slap! Wake up! Here is what you need to work on!

Hey all,

I'm still working on my ten minutes each day with God. Man when you give him that time he can really be brutal.

I remember one sabbath I was over at my Parent's church at the potluck dinner. One of the church members was going on and on about how God was pointing out her sins. She was feeling overwhelmed because every time she thought she was doing good she said it was like a slap across the face. God was telling her to wake up, open her eyes and see she is not done yet. She felt like she was beginning to get discourage because of all the sins that were coming up.

Why is it when we are working on our sins and become conscious of them that they become overwhelming? How is it that we were fine before we realized that this action may be keeping me back from Christ? How come the guilt is so much more when you consciously know you are sinning? Does God forgive the same? Is the sin worse now because we are more cognizant of it?

For the last week, I've been discouraging myself because every day I have to confess the same sin. When I'm in my prayer time I am fully sorry and intend not to do it again, but I am weak. I end up doing the same thing again.

How can we be so weak to things we know are wrong? Why is it that we can't just stop?

I'm realizing that my sin, my cherished sin, is bigger than me. I'm going to have to pull out all the stops to get past this one. The funny thing is that I've always viewed it as nothing and yet now I can't give it up.

So I'm claiming a promise!

Philippians 4:13 NKJV

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Lord,

Please give me the strength to give up my cherished sin. I know that You are the only one that can give me victory over this trial. I know that through you all things are possible.

Brie!

Family Time!

Today was just an awesome day! As a result of the class I am taking on Tuesday nights, I called my family and asked everyone to go over to my parents house for dinner. What a nice time it was!

My family has been pretty preoccupied with my Dad's hospital visit and of course the cancer treatment, etc. It was so nice to just have a dinner where we can just get together and talk about nothing. Our conversation ranged from cable tv to my nephews school to corvettes to football games. I really have not gotten to just be with my family for a good while. God, thank you so much for putting the idea in my head.

This is why God gives us families! People that we can just spend time with, that are supportive of us, that are there for us!

Leaving my Parents house tonight was a little bit of a downer. But on the way home I reconnected with a good friend of mine that now lives in Georgia. She and I had this fabulous weekend in Hilton Head over last MLK Birthday weekend. The weather was perfect, the beach was beautiful, and above all the price was right! We got reminiscing about that weekend and decided to make plans for the repeat! So MLK weekend once again we will be chilling out in Hilton Head!

After all of that I got to settle down a little and have my ten minutes of silence. Tonight, I lit some candles, turned on some music, took some long breaths and relaxed. Ten minutes was a lot easier tonight. I think I went over! Hehe. I know God was here. I felt less distraction. I heard less noise. I felt more at peace. I'm glad that God gave me another day.

I'm singing:

I WILL ENTER HIS GATES
I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my
Heart
I will enter His courts with praise
I will say this is the day that the Lord has made
I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad
He has made me glad
I will rejoice for He has made me glad
He has made me glad
He has made me glad
I will rejoice for He has made me glad

Lord,

Thanks you for such an uplifting day. You have put a song in my heart, a smile on my face and peace in my heart. You're an awesome God! Thank you for giving such good people in my life and holding me tight as I learn to listen to you.

Brie!

Beating the block?

Just as I am . . .

Tonight, I went to God once again just as I am. Freely gave God 10 minutes . . . 10 HARD minutes of silence. But God did not come the way I expected. Tonight, I did not feel the presence of God.

Instantly my mind went to try to fix the situation. What am I doing wrong? It the low music to loud? Am I not giving my all? What can I change?

I realize that I can't fix the situation. I can't control it. I can't do anything.

Maybe God was not invited. Maybe I was trying so hard to give God time that I forgot to give him the invitation to come. I thought of a song by Larry Karpenko(My Cousin!):

http://cdbaby.com/mp3lofi/karpenko-06.m3u

"I regret to inform You.
I forgot to invite You.
I forgot to include You.
Then You came to save me."

It's important that we open our hearts and invite God in. Once we invite him in we have to give up control. He was already there. He already came to save us. He was there even though I did not feel him. He was there even though I did not invite him.

Matthew 28:20b

Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Those are the words of Jesus. He is always with us. He is always present. Even though He chose not to reveal His presence to me tonight, He was still there!

What an awesome God we serve.

Lord,

Thank you for being with me tonight, even though I did not really invite you. I need you to be more present in my life. I need you to take over and help me to more clearly hear your voice.

Brie!

Trying hard to listen....

Tonight was a very interesting experience for me. I tried my second day of being quiet for 10 minutes and letting God speak. Once again, I started with joy. But tonight I really had a hard time staying focused.

My mind wandered innocently to nature and a park that I visited when I was a child. Then I started to plan going back to that park, which quickly turned into my going over my schedule for the week in my head.

It's interesting to me how quickly we can be distracted. I know I've blogged on distraction before, and yet I feel like I made a bit of a breakthrough tonight. It amazes me how much easier it is for me to listen to the distracting whispers in my ear, rather than the silent prayer I am suppose to be focusing on.

Is it easier for me to hear Satan's distractions over my own God's voice? Are God's whispers drowned out by the things around me? Am I able to hear them when I'm not silent?

When teaching about negative and positive words for the SAT, distraction comes up as a negative word. Can a distraction be positive? Can God use distraction with us?

I definitely felt the distraction from a negative standpoint tonight. I know I need to continue to focus because it is obvious to me that I can hear Satan's whispers and yet I have a hard time hearing God. Is it because of the noise around me? Or am I just not in tune with his voice?

I Kings 19:11-12

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

LORD,

Help me not to be so distracted by the winds, earthquakes and fires of this world, that I miss your gentle whisper. Please be with me and help me to grow as I spend more time with you.

Brie!

Can I really be silent?

Tonight I went to the first class in a series offered at my church called "The Dicipline of Silence." I wanted o first take the class to strengthen my prayer life, and yet I still did not get around to registering. That all changed yesterday when as I referred the class to a friend, who has also having issues in his prayer life. We both were registered in a few minutes. I guess once again I'm being selfish by getting a friend to go so that I will attend.

The class was really a nice change from the norm. There were only 9 or so people, but the discussion and prayer time became very intense. It was obvious that God was working in the room.

Tonight we did what is called a Centering Prayer. Which was a very intense experience for me. I began thinking of a word to describe God. My word was Joy because of the positive things that I have seen God doing the last week in my life. i.e. My New Job!!!

From there after about two minutes of contemplation you basically go with your next feeling and change your word or phrase. I began to contemplate my parents and ended up with the phrase "Support Mom." After contemplating this for a few minutes I was asked to imagine a picture in my mind and I was brought back to family dinners when I was a kid. Which brought me back to Joy!

Now I have to say that emotions were rampant during this time. I felt very happy during the first part, then cried when I thought about supporting my Mom. Happiness returned in the end when thinking about my family.

In the end, I was amazed at a lot of the things that other people experienced as well. I have committed to ten minutes of silent prayer each day. It's going to be hard. I just completed my first ten and it seemed like an hour! I also know it will be worth it.

Psalms 40:1 NKJV
I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry.

Lord,

Thanks you for giving me the experience I had this evening. I know this is going to be a big change for me. Be with me and help me to grow in you. I will wait....

Brie!

Letting God Lead?

I'm sure that my title gives my mindset all away. That question mark really changes things the phrase from one of certainty to one of doubt, but that is the dilemma that I am currently facing.

How do I change that question mark to an exclamation mark? What power do I need? What do I need to give up exactly? Can I ever stop doing it?

My Dad and I had a long conversation about this last night. When he had found out he had prostate cancer, he gave it over to God and claimed God's promises that he would be healed. Dad then went and changed his diet to a vegan, even took it a step further and kept his body on the alkaline side, because he learned that cancer can not grow in an alkaline environment. He began taking supplements, drinking carrot and celery juice. Anything to boost his immune system to fight the cancer.

Impressive eh?

Dad did all of that . . . . but Dad ended up in the hospital. Now, he has a tumor above his prostate. Cancer again, this time a new one that is one of the most aggressive cancers known. Extrapulmonary Small Cell Cancer. Dad was immediately set up for Chemotherapy and more tests to see if it has moved past his rectum.

How? What happened with all Dad has done? He's Vegan! He's been alkaline for a year! He has one of the closest relationships with God of anyone I know. How? How? How?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8, 9

Dad shared that he realized in the hospital that he gave it over to God, but then did not let God lead. Dad began doing everything. He did not let God take the lead, instead Dad took over and did what he thought would heal himself. . . . neither are your ways my ways.

How many times do we say that we are giving it over to God, only to do what we want anyway? Do we ever really give over complete control?

I'm going through a dilemma of my own. I quit my job in the summer to get my teaching credentials back so that I could go and teach in the classroom again. It seemed like it was what I was being called to do. The plans just seemed to point in this direction and so I took the leap of faith. Yet months later, I am still without a job. I never thought I would be going into October and not have a teaching job.

God seems to have other plans for me. Though he has been very slow in letting me in on the big secret. I've been having a real hard time letting God lead. I've become very discouraged. Every interview I go on the people seem impressed by my credentials and yet nothing.

My safety net is gone. I'm not sure how I'm going to pay the bills next month. I'm really unsure of what my next step could be. Dad reminds me to "Trust in the Lord."

This has been hard! One of the hardest set of struggles I've even been through in my life. I have more questions than answers. I realize how weak my faith is and how strong my doubt.

Lord,

As I sit here tonight my head is filled with questions. Take away my burdens. Ease my pain. Break my shackles, so I can lift my hands for You to pick me up. Forgive me for coming up short. I have a long way to go, Lord. I'm weak and frail. Strengthen my faith. Guide my thoughts. Make your way mine. I give it all to You. Change my question mark to an exclamation mark, for only You can.

Brie!

At the hospital...

As a child, I always thought of my Dad as invincible. Dad could do anything! He taught my brother and I how to backpack, ski, whitewater canoe, and camp. You name it and my Dad always was able to do it. He learned how to scuba dive in his late fifties.

His faith has become invincible as well. I have personally seen my Dad grow into a stronger Christian through his life. Dad is looked up to by members of his church. You can just tell by talking to him that he has a personal relationship with God.

The last month, Dad has had issues with constant diarrhea and constipation. Dad finally was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday to begin a series of tests. Dad is never sick. In fact, I can never remember him being in the hospital for my entire life. Three days and much crying later, we have found out that Dad has a tumor, right above his prostate, that is restricting his bowels.

Now for those of you who don't know, Dad already has terminal Prostate Cancer. There is a high likelihood that this tumor is Rectal cancer.

How can this happen? How can a man that is never sick end up with a tumor and cancer? Why do these things happen to such a good man? What are we going to do?

There are so many questions, and yet no answers.

Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Lord,

Take this burden from us. We know that you are in control. Dad is going into surgery right now. Be with the hands of the surgeon. I praise you for getting us through this far.

Brie!

Panic?!?

Have you ever been struck by uncontrollable panic? It totally hit me today. I've been working on classes for recertification all summer and today was the final day of class. Now I know that everyone out there would be relieved and wonder why I would panic, but I now have nothing to do for the rest of the summer.

Things that are causing my panic:

No Job: I honestly thought that I would have a job by now. I took a leap of faith and quit my job to take these classes this summer. I assumed that I would be employed by now and yet I still have nothing.

Money: I have a set amount of money to make it through until I start getting paid again.

Boredom: Yes, I admit that I'm already bored. Have been for the last couple weeks. I'm used to having so much to do that I don't have time to do anything and now I have all the time in the world.

So, this is all new to me. I'm used to having everything under control and planned out.

When I look at the things and people around me and the real issues that people are going through I realize that I am overreacting, but my internal anxiety is real.

I once again am on my path, but don't have any clue what is around the next corner.

Again I have to work on my trust. Why do humans have such issues with trust? I know that Hunter and Loki trust that they will get their cat food refilled and litter box changed. They trust that even through I've forgotten in the past.

God's never let me down, why am I having issues trusting that He already has things figured out.

Matthew 6 (NIV)

³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lord,

I know you already have my summer figured out, but I'm starting to worry and panic. Please comfort me and help me to know that you have it under control. Thank you for all the blessings that you have given me in my life.

Brie!

Cancer and Change.

I've always been told that the major events of our lives sculpt us into the people that we are today. Well, the last few years I've been going through so many things that I feel sculpted raw.

I know it's been a long time since my last blog. You can thank Pastor Kumar for posting on my blog, which sent an email to me.

Since my last blog a lot has happened in my life. My Great Aunt Vera passed away just before Memorial day. I quit my job to go back to school to get recertified to teach in the fall.

The one thing though that has plagued me the most is that my Uncle Bill passed away on July 9th.

Now back to the sculpting. God gives us all people in our lives that help to bring us closer to Him. Many times our parents are the ones that help us learn right from wrong and show us the example of what it is like to be truly Christ-like. Well, I think I am overly fortunate to have the family that I do. I grew up in a very close-knit family that comprised of not only my Parents, but Grandparents and two sets of Aunts and Uncles that are all wonderful examples of Christ. I guess you can say that my family would be the "ideal" when it comes to seeing Christ through others.

Uncle Bill was always an inspiration to me. He was always a positive person, in fact I can not say one time where I ever saw him angry with someone or loose his temper. He was always in tune with God. I never knew him to judge me or others. Uncle Bill was always fun to be around and always had a joke to tell. Laughter was his trademark.

Just over two years ago, Uncle Bill was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. It had already spread throughout his body. He was given just a few weeks to live. I was fortunate enough to get to go see him the day after his diagnosis when our family had an anointing service for him. Uncle Bill was so doped up to prevent his pain that I barely recognized him. For anyone that has ever met him the one thing you always remember is his personality. I did not even see a glimpse of that. This was a very emotional day for me, but through it I came back to God. I realized that day that there is no other way of life that I want to have then to be a Christian. The next week I started back to church.

I praise God that He gave me two more years with my Uncle. He had his ups and downs, but in all I got to see his fun-loving side again. At Thanksgiving in 2005, I got the opportunity to tell Uncle Bill that his experience had brought me back to the Church. The amazing thing is that my going to church has brought a few of my friends back to church as well. Uncle Bill looked me in the eye and said "Then it has all been worth it!" He gave me one of his big bear hugs.

It is said that we won't understand why things happen to us until we get to heaven, but I'm glad that God gave me a glimpse into this one.

God's got the plan, I just have to trust Him.

Lord,

Thanks you for giving me such a positive example as my Uncle Bill. Help me to continue to grow in you. Be with my family and especially my Aunt Peach through this hard time. Wrap your comforting arms around her and comfort her.

Brie!

On the sea of change...

The last few weeks have been really draining for me. Last weekend I was able to go up and see my Aunt Vera. It was really good to see her. She is thinner then she has ever been. I know cancer does that to a body. But with all of the signs that she was going the one thing that hit the hardest was that some of the "spunkiness" that she always had is gone.

The loss of that key factor to her personality really showed. When my Mom saw her she said the exact same thing. It's becomes really discouraging when a person is sick to the point where you miss the attributes that you've come to depend on. Friday night, I was able to help my Aunt Vera into bed. She gave me step by step directions on how to help her. When she woke up she insisted that I come and help her get out of bed. I got a glimpse of that spunky side of her again.

I was talking to my Mom today and she was telling me about Ms. Clarice who has always been one of the matriarchs of the church I grew up in. When we moved to Maryland, her family adopted us.

Well Ms. Clarice in her older age has been having major issues with her memory. Last time I was over there I really missed just talking to her because now it is hard to have a conversation because she forgets so much, but she always gives the best hugs!

These two ladies have been very influential in my life. They have shown me strong beliefs and values that I still hold to today. Now they might not agree with my wearing jeans to church, but they are glad that I'm there.

It was funny, Aunt Vera visited a church like mine near Riverside, California while she was out visiting my cousin Larry. She was going on and on about the clapping and the drums, once again bringing out her spunky side, but you could hear pride in her voice that her family were still going to church.

It's amazing that through the changes, God still gives us those glimpses to what we hold dear. In Aunt Vera, her spunky side. In Ms. Clarice, her hugs. Now those things are not the only things that these strong women will be remembered for, they are just things that have helped me get through. When things change what will it be that you are remembered for?

1 Corinthians 7:7 (New International Version)

"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."

Each of us has gifts that God has given us. If you do not know what your gift is there are many ways to find out. There are tests online that you can take, or just ask a good friend. Most of the time a good friend can see the gift in us that we can't.

Lord,
Thank you for giving me strong examples of you in my life. As times change, I want to thank you for still giving me glimpses of the past to comfort me. Please be with my family and friends as things get harder. Please keep your protecting hand over Aunt Vera and Ms. Clarice. Keep in charge of my life and keep bringing me back to you when I'm distracted.

Brie!

Just when you think thing are looking up!

Do you ever get to that point where you begin to think things are looking up and then BAM! Life whacks you upside the head once again with a plank!

Well that would be how my weekend went. It was kind of strange how it happened because late Thursday night at around 11:00 I got a call from my Dad. Now there are two reasons why this was strange. First off my Dad and I have certain topics that he will call me about, most of the time it would be a computer issue or an upcoming trip. But neither of them seemed to be an 11:00 conversation for him because most of the time Dad goes upstairs and gets ready for bed at around 9, maybe 10. So a call from Dad at 11:00 set my heart to racing, my mind went into the process that it had to be bad news. Well he was calling to tell me that he got an email that had to do with the phone plan that we had changed on Monday. Whew!

So Friday night in the early evening I get a call from Mom. Not thinking anything about it this time Mom has the bad news. My great Aunt Vera is not doing well. Colon Cancer. Now I know that she has been having issues for years, but it kind of put a damper on my entire weekend. In fact, I have felt in a funk ever since.

Luckily this weekend I'm going up to see her and to spend some time with that side of my Family. The thing about my Aunt Vera is that she has always been the one that has gone out of her way to make sure I knew what the love of a grandmother felt like. My Grandmother, her older sister passed away just a month before I was born. Aunt Vera was always there for me to the point where she made sure I was well taken care of in Academy. When there were long times between home leaves she'd have me come over for the weekend, even through she lived right across the street. She has always shown me the love that I know my Grandmother would have shown me.

As I've though over this weekend, I remembered back to the good times when I was a kid and we spent summers at the shore. I remembered the years of her always being active and "spunky" as I always put it. My mom talked to her over the weekend and she said she still has that spunk in her voice. That made me smile!

No matter what Satan throws at us, he can't take away that "spunk!"

The group Casting Crowns has a song called "Praise you in the Storm"

The Chorus says:

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Lord,

Be with my family today as we rally around my Aunt Vera. Help us to be uplifting to her and to be able to show her Your love as she has shown us our entire lives. Please help her pain to be easy. You are in control of our lives.

Brie!

What happened?

Have you ever had one of those days where things just seemed off? Just something was not right. But you really could not put your finger on what it was about it that made things off.

That's how the last few days have been for me. I just feel that something is not quite right.

How many times do we obsess over such feelings until we make things wrong. Many people do that with relationships and friendships. I know I have. We feel like something is wrong and we invent the senerio in our heads until it is wrong.

How can we buck this internal feeling of uncertainty? What fuels this fire of "somethings wrong" in our lives?

I'm really not sure what to do. I feel myself inventing a set of situations to protect myself from putting too much on the line. Is this really just a self-protection scam? So we make things explode to protect ourselves?

I remember as a child singing a simple song at church that says:

I cast all my cares upon you,
I lay all of my burdens down at your feet,
And anytime I don't know what to do,
I will cast all my cares upon you.

Lord,

I want you to take this situation as I lay it at your feet. I really don't know what the future will bring, but I know that you know and have a plan for me. Take this burden and work it out for me. Thank you in advance, Lord.

Brie!

Life Planning or Time Wasted!

Hi all,

I know I've been gone for a while and my last blog post stated that I was going to get back on my bandwagon and start blogging. Once again the best laid plans failed as life hit me. Through the storm, God gave me a wonderful vacation that I got to spend an incredible time with my awesome roommate and another of my best friends. Now almost a week back into reality I find myself still distracting myself from my spiritual life.

Tonight, I'm at the beach on a spiritual retreat. So refocusing is the key right now. I've taking a few minutes to read through a little bit of the book of Proverbs because it always seems to get me thinking and has wonderful gems of knowledge.

I've been focusing a lot on looking into my future and trying to make plans for the fall. I've been thinking about going back into the classroom to put my masters degree to use. Everything seems to be pointing me into that direction to get more classroom experience under my belt before I try to pick up some college level teaching.

But there is something that seems to be in the way. I've done the research and found how to apply to the school systems and yet just last night I finally applied for the first county. I'm really not sure what the hold up has been. I've kind of felt at a stand still in most of my life.

So when I opened to Proverbs 16:1-3 (The Message)

Mortals make elaborate plans,
but GOD had the last word.

Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good,
GOD probes for what is good.

Put GOD in charge of your work,
then what you've planned will take place.

So has my planning been good or wasted? I guess that is in God's hands. I've come to far in my walk to take ten steps back to do things the way I used to do them. Taking whatever looked good and just went from thing to thing until I got tired.

The group Mary Mary have a song that says
"I just can't give up now!
Come too far from where I started from.
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me."

Lord,

Take my life and do with it what you want me to do. Open my eyes and show me what you want me to do with my future. Make that path bright with lights so that I can see that it is the path that you want me to take. I know the path may not be easy, but I know I can make it with your help. Bless my family and friends!

Brie!

Refocusing on the goal!

Ok it's been almost a week since my last post. I know that atleast one person has wondered what was going on with me!

Bloggers block? Well it would take trying to blog for that one to happen.

Too Busy? Well I can't say that this week has been overly hectic, but it was busy.

Lost focus? Yeah I think this is the real one. This was one of the first weeks in a while where I did not have to run to do a lot of things for others. It was a time where I could just be. It's amazing how busy you can become when you have nothing really planned.

This was also the final week of my class, which I must say I am glad is over! My team in the last week has been anything but motivated and I ended up doing most of the major work myself on wednesday night.

So now that I've realized that my life has been out of focus, how do I refocus? Returning to things that are good for me, like blogging. Like taking the Sabbath off from school and reconnecting with friends. Asking God to help me to hear his voice on what I should do next.

Refocusing means giving up the distractions. Now I'm not talking about the ones that other people put in your life, I'm talking about the distractions we make in our own lives.

Today, I was driving back from Target and really wanted to stop and go shopping at Old Navy. Now I'm trying not to spend money on things I don't need, but did I distract myself? Of course!

Proverbs 4:23 The Message
Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust.

I'm refocusing and keeping my eyes straight ahead. Avoiding the distractions, especially the ones I put in front of me, is hard. But with God's help I can do it.

Lord,

Keep me from the distractions this life brings. I'm having a hard time keeping focused on what is important. Please open my eyes to see the important things in life.

Brie!

Seeing through the roses!

When I was younger I used to hear people telling you always to stop and smell the roses. I've thought about this over the years. Is stopping to smell the roses a distraction?

Today started out to be a extremely miserable looking day. It was gray and gloomy, there was even fog in the air that made things even more misty. Church had all the lights on and but because of the tinted windows it made outside look even gloomier.

But there was Warmth! There was a fire, deep inside our hearts as we began to praise God in our sanctuary. The room was lit with the hearts and songs of our church members. Our Pastor gave an awesome, invigorating sermon.

Were the gray skies and gloominess a distraction? I took count of the second service and noticed that the number was a little down today. Did our members and guests decide not to come because of the weather? It's a shame that some people missed what God did at church today.

It's amazing the things the Devil does to keep us down and distracted. I brings people into our lives to bring us away from our goals. I know that one of my good friends is struggling with this one right now. When can you decide that a person is too much of a distraction? Can you decide to not focus on the distraction? How can you cut the distraction out of your life if that happens to be your friend?

We are all masters of distracting ourselves and others from what really matters. How do we know when we are being distracted. How can we keep ourselves in check?

Luke 10: 38-42 NIV

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Mary chose what is better. She chose Jesus. Instead of giving into the distractions, she gave into Jesus. Instead of worrying about others, she focused on her relationship with her Lord.

If we continue to focus on God. We will be more able to discern the distractions. That is all we need!

Lord,

Help us to see through the distractions, help us to keep walking down the path with our focus. Keep us safe and in your care.

Brie!

Friends Forever?

Ever have an old friend keep popping into your mind? I've had a couple instances over the last few weeks that have brought one to mind, once when I was at the hospital and ran into a mutual friend who asked me how he was doing, and the other was running into a guy that reminded me of another mutual friend.

It's really funny how things like that work. So tonight on my way home I called his old number, not even knowing if it was still his number because last I knew he had gone back to Africa. I was amazed that he answered. He said he had just been back about a month and that his trip had put him into a new and better frame of mind.

I know before he left he had run into many problems with being unemployed and other really rough times.

We talked for almost a half an hour making plans to catch up later this evening. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined reconnecting with him today. The really kewl thing was that I could feel his smile through the phone. I could feel him happiness and warmth. I realized that the time off for him had given him a new lease on his life.

The last time we talked he sounded so down that it make me sad. But today I could feel the smile on his face through the phone. He actually picked me up after being down and exhausted today.

It was awesome how quickly God brought this friend back into my life. How he knew exactly what I needed. How he instantaneously recreated the friendship.

God does the same types of things for all of us everyday. When someone unexpectedly smiles at you for no reason. When that car on the beltway lets you in when you have to change lanes. The person who offers to help you with your bags. The kid that held the door for you. All of these things are God working to make your day a little better.

Times are always going to be rough, but leave it to God to show you that bit of sunshine in your day. He is there to help us to get through.

Psalm 121:1-2 NIV

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Lord,

Thank you for turning my day around. It's been such a blessing hearing from my friend again. I pray that you bless him with the happiness that you have brought to me. Be with all of my friends and family tonight. Give them each little glimpses of your love.

Brie!

To Share or Not To Share?

Sharing your personal feelings is really hard and can really set you up for disaster.

A couple weeks back, I decided on a whim to share my blog with two people that have been really influential in my life. Both of them have been inspirations for me over and over again. God definitely has been working through these two guys for his kingdom. It's amazing how humble each of them are about it though.

Well, I know that both of them have been reading my blog bringing my overall readership to a number that I can still count on one hand. One of the people that I mentioned earlier is my Dad.

My Dad and I have our list of things that we talk about. Vacations, Backpacking/Camping, the Jersey Shore, Our Family, and anything I need done to my car. These have been the general topics that we always seem to talk about. Well, the last few times I've talked to my Dad he's brought up my Blog. In fact last night when we talked he was full of words of encouragement that really meant a lot to me.

It's amazing once again how God works in our lives. Don't get me wrong, my Dad and I have talked about religious things before, but with the addition of this blog he was able to support me in a new way. I never realized when I began this chapter of my walk that it could bring me closer to my father while bringing me closer to my Heavenly Father.


Proverbs 13:20 NIV
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20 KJV

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

Guess that's what happens when you walk with the wise!

Lord,

Thank you for giving me such wise people in my life. I know that I would be far worse off without their shining guides. Help me to keep my eyes focused on you! Please continue to stretch out your healing hand to each of my friends and family. I praise you for all that you do!

Brie!

Deception, real or imagined?

Have you ever been the receiver of deception. I'm sure that all of us can say yes!
How many times do we hold grudges against other people because they have deceived us?
Have you ever deceived yourself? Now stop and think about it honestly!

How many times have you not quite checked that box that puts you out of the normal category? Do we deceive ourselves to try to fit in? Do we put on ideas and try hard to convince others that we are correct to attempt to deceive ourselves?

I know that I have done the exact thing before. I've convinced myself that I needed to get someones approval adding all of the justifications I had come up with so that they can confirm my deception. But have I really deceived myself?

I have a friend that is just starting to get on the correct medications to help her to deal with everyday life. But I can see her taking the trail to deceive herself that she doesn't need it. I can hear her trying to get the approval of anyone by saying:

I don't need that medication, I'm perfectly fine with out it.

She is looking for that person to agree with her!

Another friend is starting down a road of destructive behavior that will most likely lead him to falling into addiction once again. Also looking for approval he states:

I'm back hanging with Mr. X.

He's looking for the same thing.

How is it that Satan can deceive us to the point where we deceive ourselves. Internal reasoning in humans is so flawed by sin. It's obvious that our brains were not made to constantly deal with deception. We so easily give in and let someone validate our incorrect thinking.

Genesis 3:1-6 NIV
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

Can you see Eve giving Adam the fruit. Was she trying to convince herself that everything was going to be alright by getting Adam to agree and eat the fruit? Has nothing changed over all this time.

The only thing that can help our feeble minds is Jesus. He is the only person that is able to discern our deceptions and dispel them. He can help us see through the cloudiness of our minds and see His will for us. I pray that Jesus clears the way for each of us.

Lord,

Thank you for always bringing out the light just when we need it. If there are any deceptions in my life that I need to deal with please enlighten my eyes to see them. I praise you for my Friends and Family. Thanks your for keeping us safe and bringing us through another week.

Brie!

Who can you trust?

Have you ever felt like you can not trust anyone?

It seems like no one is exempt from being let down. A friend of mine has been having a hard time knowing who she can trust. The problem with this is that she is pushing everyone back instead of just focusing on the people who have let her down.

How often do we do the same things in life? How often do we just give up on everything? Work? Friendships? Relationships?

When you push people away and shut them out of your life, you take away any hope of them being able to come through for you. How can we shut out the ones we love?

There is another friend that is slowly becoming a fair weather friend. Now, for those of you who don't know what a fair weather friend is, that is when a friend is around in the good times, but is no where to be found when you need him. I feel he would come through if he had to, but he really does not seem to be genuine in showing his friendship at this point. When times are good, he's there. If he's requested to be there he will show, but he will not offer to be there.

How do you deal with friends like this? If you push them away is that wrong? Can you trust a friend like this? What would God do?

Psalms 37: 27-28 The Message

Turn your back on evil,
work for the good and don't quit.
God loves this kind of thing,
never turns away from his friends.

I love how it says God never turns away from his friends. This is where the answer is. I realize that I have to continue to love my friends. I have to accept when the shut me out and when they push back. I have to show compassion and love through the hard times. I can not be that fair weather friend.

It's a hard decision to make in some cases. It's hard to turn your back when evil has struck and left you wondering why your friend would do such a thing to you. But I'm gonna keep on working on me and not quit.

Pray for my friends and especially me!

Lord,

I do have a real hard time accepting my friends again when I have been shut out. I do have a tendency to forgive, but I make sure they hear about it along the way. Please help me to step back and accept them again, and do what you would do by just never turning away.

Brie!

Directions?

Who has the directions?

I have an uncanny ability to never get lost. I get it from my Dad's side of the family. No matter where you take me it seems like I can always find my way. My nephew got the same ability, as a young boy he told my friend Debbie how to get somewhere at the campground where we spend part of the summer. Now my other nephew seems to have no idea where he is most of the time. He's probably get lost walking down a street with no turns. For people like him we have directions.

Most people need directions to get somewhere. Directions are suppose to help us find where we are going, except if they are outdated or wrong. There is nothing worse then having bad directions.

I'm sure through the history of the world bad directions have let to many disappointments. But the question remains, who has the directions.

Last week my roommate was going from her office in DC to Bethesda. She was saying that when she first printed out the directions it took her over into Virginia and up the GW Parkway to the beltway. Something like 26 minutes. It was suppose to be the shortest time route. but it was like miles longer. She reran the direction looking for the shortest distance route and it was 27 minutes. Most people would have taken the first route just trusting the directions.

A while back, I overheard a discussion at work over which website offered the best directions. I was really shocked that people had such strong opinions about something as simple as directions and where to get them from. Mapquest? Google? Yahoo?

One guy said that he prints out all three and studies each one to find the best route. How can you really know the best route to a place you have never been before.

Do we ever learn which directions to trust and which ones to assume are bad? How can we tell the difference?

God is the master at giving directions.

Jonah 1:1-3a
The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish.

Then it takes a whole two chapters, three days and three nights in the belly of a "fish" for Jonah to finally come to his senses. Which is a lot considering that Jonah is only 4 chapters long!

Jonah 3:1-3a
Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: " Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you." Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh.

Directions right from the Lord. Think Jonah's directions were clear enough? Imagine if we heard God as clearly as that. Do you think we would have run like Jonah did?

Well believe it or not we can have a walk with God like that. The more that prayer becomes a part of your life, the more that you work on that walk with Jesus, the more clear your directions will become.

The Devil will also be there to try to add to and change the directions to make them bad, to make us want to go to Tarshish instead. But if we seek God's will he can fix the directions and keep us focused on our goal.

The Christian walk was never promised to be easy, but it's a little better with directions you can trust!

Lord,

I pray that you are with us through this tough decision making time. Please guide each and every one of us to make the decisions that you would want for us to make. Help each of us to be patient with each other. I thank you for such a loving group of people who can come together as a family.

Brie!

Ups and Downs!

For those of you who don't know it, I'm a basketball fan. I was watching the Wizards play the Atlanta Hawks tonight, and the game hit me to the point that I wanted to blog about it.

Now for those of you who read my blog on a normal basis you are probably really wondering where this one will go!

The Wizards walked into tonight's game on top of the world. They had just beat the Raptors last night 129-109. They had found out that three of the Hawks starters were out. I mean talk about the road being paved for victory.

They took an early lead being ahead by 11 points at one point in the first half. I'm sure at a half time they were still on top of the world. BUT, the third quarter brought disaster. The Hawks closed the Wizards lead and by the end of the quarter the Hawks had taken the lead in the game. The Wizards ended up loosing the game 100-97.

When did the whole thing go wrong? It seems like they at first were so sure of themselves that maybe they relaxed their guard. Maybe they let their heads get the best of them. Maybe they just underestimated their opponent.

How many times do we go through life and do the same thing. When our heads get the best of us, our hearts take a back seat. That promotion should have been mine! I should have been recognized for my work at church. How dare they not realize all I have done.

We so many times underestimate the hard work that Satan does. We forget that he is ready to get us down however he can.

When cancer hits a family, it hits hard. Many times the family has to pull together to help to get through. My family was hit especially hard these last few years. Just when you thought things were fine, BAM! Like the Wizards third quarter you are left looking at life wondering what happened.

How many times have you been blindsided by things?

I was talking to my Uncle once and he was saying how hard the Devil was working to get our family down. I figured the Devil must see our family as being strong to give us such trials. Again back to the text from a few night ago. I don't like to repeat texts, but here it goes.

James 1: 2-3 NIV
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Such an inspiring text. Having joy though your trials. Job had it! Jesus had it! I can have it too!

So when things hit you the hardest. When you feel like you are almost down and out. When you feel that you reached the end of your rope. Reach to God. Claim your joy and build your faith!

Lord,

Thank you for helping to build my faith so much this last year. I know that this road is long and hard, but I'm trudging through taking one step at a time, with your help. Be with my family and "family" tomorrow. Keep us all safe and reaching for you!

Brie!

The Calm Before the Storm!

Tonight, once again they are calling for snow tomorrow. The prediction of 2-4 inches of snow during the day tomorrow. Once again the weatherman predicts, once again we are unsure if they will be right, but everyone is talking about it.

Why is it that even though the weather is often incorrect we still hold it to be true? People walk around in stores, bars, Starbucks, hospitals, and work talking about the snow we are going to get tomorrow. How come after all the let down they still assume the weatherman is going to be right.

Look at the two major storms we have had this year, both predicted very wrong! The first one was suppose to be freezing rain and snow, we got three or more inches of sleet. The second one a bit of freezing rain or rain. Bam! Three inches of pure snow. Who's to say that tomorrows prediction will be right? Can we really trust it enough or do we just plan for the worst?

Soon my roommate will be returning with her sister in tow. Can I predict what will happen? Will this change make the household dynamic totally change? Is there going to be a storm? A tornado? or just a gentle rain?

Am I qualified to predict? What makes the weatherman qualified to predict? People used to predict the weather based on history. Now a lot of it is done using computer models that are suppose to make it more accurate. I remember teaching weather when I was a nature director at Camp. We had no real tools to predict with, but every morning we gave a weather report form our best guess. Do we often do this in life?

I can see the possibility of a storm in my future. But will thinking about it bring it to life? What is my possibility build on? History, well no we have not all lived together before so who knows what will happen. What else is there to build the prediction on?

The Bible makes a lot of predictions that are proven later in time. How did these people make these predictions? Did God inform them of what was going to happen? Many times the answer is yes!

Jesus is the greatest prediction in the Bible. Imagine the fact that when God predicts,there is no questioning. It's not based on history, but on fact! God knows the end from the beginning. God knows how much snow will fall tomorrow! God knows if my new home scenario will work out! God takes the question out of the prediction.

So where am I going with this? I'm going back to trust. I have to trust that God knows what is going to happen. It does not make my life better worrying about how much snow we are going to get. It also does not help my life to worry about my roommates. I just have to trust!

Out of anyone in the Bible, Job was one man that never could have predicted what happened to him. He lost everything in his life and yet Job still trusted. He imagined the worst case scenario here in this text.

JOB 13:15a

NIV
"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;"
The Message
"Because even if he killed me, I'd keep on hoping."
KJV
"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him:"

Imagine feeling completely hopeless. So far down the only prediction you can make is death. But Job still had trust. He still had hope! I can not predict tomorrow, but my God can!

Lord,

Protect me and my "family" tonight. We are getting ready to make some big changes in our living situation. Give us your protecting hand over our home. Help keep the thunder and lightning to a minimum. Help us to only hear the blessed pitter-pat of a quiet shower! Keep us focused on the sunshine that follows the storm!

Brie!

Life!

Wow, how much can one thing change your life. I've never been to the hospital so many times in a one week period. I think the people there are beginning to recognize me.

This has also been a very powerful week for me as well. I'm not going to blog too much tonight, but I wanted to take some time in my exhausted state to remind myself that this prayer journey is here.

I had an incredible Friday night at church. We had miracle and healing night, talk about an uplifting experience. People gathering around to uplift you in your struggles in life. It was one of the most powerful nights of my life. We even took out time to pray for a good friend of mine who is struggling with reconciling his Christianity, but as my pastor said on sabbath it's about revising your map. It was an awesome sermon. http://lookingforachurch.org


James 1: 2-3 NIV
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

I'm guessing that through all the trials lately that I'm really developing some perseverance skills!!! OK tired and not thinking well tonight.

Lord,

Thank you so much for the ups and downs of the last week. The trials that you have brought me through and the joys and happiness that have occurred along the way. Keep me in your care.

Brie!

Pray for my Friend!

I think I'm too exhausted to blog tonight. Of course, I need to take this time to clear my head and calm down from my day.

Today was very stressful because a good friend, part of my "family" tried to end her life today. She wanted to escape from the noises in her head. She wanted to escape from life.

How many times have we all wanted to escape? I've looked so many times at trying to leave where I am and move away to escape. And yet no matter where I escape to I'm still there!

There is no escape from life except to give it up! Now, I'm not talking about ending your life, but giving it up to God. God is the only one that can bring peace to make you feel as if you'd escaped.

I pray that God brings me that peace to sleep tonight because I have to work early in the morning.

Pray for my Friend!

Lord,

Be with my friend tonight, let he know that you love her so very much. Give her the escape from her termoil that only you can give. Give all of us a restful night. I praise you for bringing her through and being there for all of us. I love you!

Brie

Locks and Keys!

Today I did something I never do...

I was so happy about being home. I pulled into my parking spot. Finished off my phone conversation with one of my friends. Gathered my stuff. Walked to my condo, just to realize I had no keys!!!! I was not only locked out of my car but my apartment as well.

I had moved my keys just far enough out of the ignition that the dinging would stop so that I could finish my conversation. Now my car has automatic locks that will not lock if the key is in the ignition, awesome feature, except when you had pulled the key out just enough to make the feature inactive. I'm sure there is an entire blog entry just wrapped up in that!!!

Today I'm focusing on the next part. I have a friend that has extra keys to my car, but I know he has plans tonight that will keep him from being in my general area until late tonight. My roommate, who would have keys to the apartment, said she will not be home until late as well. So there is really no way either option would have worked.

So I'm left with calling 411 and getting patched through to Pop-a-lock that says it's 45 minutes and $69. Imagine I did not even think about the money and just went with it. Of course an hour and 15 minutes later they were actually at my place and in about two seconds into my car.

I did not even blink when I signed the credit card slip, once I had my keys in hand. How much would have been too much at that point? I'm not sure.

With the keys to my life safely in my hand, my thoughts traveled to the keys to my heart. How much did Jesus pay for them? Was the price too high? I know that it wasn't! Did he blink an eye when they crucified him? Was his determination so strong that the tears that fell where from his happiness knowing what he had done for me?

The good thing is that Jesus has already done it. Unlike Pop-a-lock I'm not having to wait around for Jesus. He's already there. He's there when we lock the door ready for us to ask him to open it again. He waits for us.

John 3:16 KJV

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Lord,

I give you the keys to my heart. I praise you for always being right there ready to give yourself for me. Thank you for already forgiving me before I even sin. Thank you for paying the price for me so long ago.

Brie!

When are they right?

It snowed once again. Even though the Weather Channel said a "wintery mix". I'm guessing 4-5 inches of snow. Do they ever get it right? Imagine what a thankless job, because people are always complaining that the weather was incorrect. Talk about a guessing game. I wonder how often they are just wrong???

Have you ever known someone who just always seems to be wrong? Maybe they always make the wrong choices or are the one that always is unemployed. They are the people that you think of when you hear the phrase, "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!"

I often wonder how these people live. I have one of them in my "family" and no matter what happens he always seems to lose his job, say the wrong things, and tick people off. I can only take him in small doses. I've never met someone that is as extreme as him. We can as a group be having a conversation about a topic and he'll jump in with a comment that does not fit in the conversation. It really annoys me. Guess I have some more work to do to be Christ-like.

He reminds me of the story of Joseph and his brothers. They way that the Bible portrays Joseph he was liked by his father, but seems to me as one of those people who are like my friend.

I can imagine the conversation. His older brothers are talking, maybe about some girls or something and snap Joseph pipes in with "Speaking of that, I had this dream where...."

Genesis 37:5 The Message

Joseph had a dream. When he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said, "Listen to this dream I had. We were all out in the field gathering bundles of wheat. All of a sudden my bundle stood straight up and your bundles circled around it and bowed down to mine."

I would have been annoyed as well. Now I can't say I hate my friend like Joseph's brothers did. But he was not one who thought out what he was about to say. I mean not only did he cut off our good conversation, but he told then about some strange dream where their bundles bowed to his. I can see why he was doomed!

Now I'm not saying I'd sell my friend or get rid of him, though the thought has crossed my mind. :-P That's not where this one is going.

I was thinking about how God used Joseph to save his family. Imagine being saved by that very person who gets on your very last nerve. I guess God can use anyone. So I need to work on being more Christ-like and letting God help me to be more accepting.


Lord,

Help me to be a mirror to reflect your love. I can't do it on my own, I need you to work through me and continue to make me more like you each day. Thank you for keeping my family safe in the storm. I praise you for your goodness to me!

Brie!

When do we give up?

This week has been extremely hard at work. It's never surprising that corporate structures always have a way of working as inefficiently as possible. I've really never liked working for big companies because they seem so cold and heartless toward many people.

There comes a time where you always have decisions to make. It seems like work is heading for explosion. The right hand is definitely unsure what the left hand is doing, the real problem is that it feels like the hands are heading in different directions and my coworkers are the body in the middle getting pulled so hard that we are about to break.

One of the key figures in my staying at this job is currently looking at other options within the company. What do I do? Do I stay and just ride out the storm? When do you decide to vacate a sinking ship?

It reminds me of the story of Jonah. Where the ship is in turmoil on the sea with a storm that just seems to be following them. Could it be that I'm missing God's calling to be "thrown" overboard?

I've been doing an awesome job at work. I've always felt good about the quality of job that I am doing and yet lately I feel scrutiny from my bosses leading me to decide to document what I am doing to sort of save my own butt. I don't like being in situations where I do not feel secure, but maybe I'm just suppose to grow from this.

I know that I need to at least temporarily look this one in the face and just do my best. The hard part is to not complain when things seem to be going so wrong. Imagine, being Christ-like tells us not to complain or argue. How hard is that when things seem to be down. When bosses are only looking out for themselves? Do I argue when I'm given incorrect statistical information on my performance? How would Jesus handle a situation like that?

An example of what is expected of us is found in Philippians:

Philippians 2:14-15 (New International Version)

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.

Through my walk down this hard gully that I've been going through lately, I've found the more I give up and just do my part the less scratches I get along the way. Giving up conplaining is going to be really hard, especially with my coworkers. I realize that my being negative is not helping the situation. So I'm going to give it up. I'm going to focus on not complaining next week. I'm going to work my hardest to shine like a star. I'm going to let God worry about my job. He's got the plan!

Lord,

Take my work situation, it has really been bogging me down lately. Help me to complain less and work harder to do my very best. Help for the stress at the office to become less so that my coworkers can deal as well.

Thank you,

Brie!

Searching...

This adventure that I have started down since beginning my prayer blog has been very interesting. I can say that I am at the beginning spot of really communicating more with the Lord. I feel like I'm at the beginning because I feel that I have so far to go.

It's hard to put into words the feeling I get now that I am seeking the Lord and his will for my life. Of course i have my down times where things just don't seem to be going anywhere, but other times I just sit back in awe as God works in my life. I've been surprised how much God has put a desire in my heart to learn more about Him!

I feel myself drawn to blogging and letting my mind go and think about what God has done for me. This is a new revelation to me because in the past I've felt myself trying to seek and yet now I almost feel like God is doing the seeking for me.

I'm here presenting my whole heart and self to Him and he is igniting the fire within me to learn more about Him. That fire is burning so much that I can not seem to concentrate on other things in my life. So time will tell.

I read the following tonight:
Deuteronomy 4:29

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Amazing how it states you WILL find him! Not may, not might, not sometime. But I WILL FIND HIM. I'm so happy to have an awesome God!

Lord,

Thank you for making yourself real in my life and igniting that fire to learn more about you deep in my soul. Please keep me seeking with all of my heart and soul. Thank you

What is Family?

I'm reading a book that got me thinking about family. There was a discussion in the book about Celebrating Family, but what is family?

I started by taking the advice of a friend and googling the biblical definition family and after wading through the junk I found a page that really got me thinging even more. It brought out the fact that in the Bible, family changed many time from old to new testament.

Family has been a concept that has changed in my mind through the years as well. When I was younger I was always around my family. I was lucky to have a very close knit family that spent a lot of time together. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings.

As I've grown I remain lucky to still be in touch with my family, but I've also formed another type of family in the very close friendships that I have built. This has become another type of family to me as well. They are my everyday family that I rely on when times get rough, and rejoice with when times are good!

Who is the person or people who define family? Is the single father and his son? How about just the single person? Is the lesbian couple and children considered a family? How about a group of people not related by blood? What makes a family?

The Bible goes on the describe the church as a family. I remember in my parents church the adults used to call everyone brother or sister. We talk about God as the Father. Who is our mother? Is God a single Father as well?

Family seems to me to be an ever changing definition. One that has changed many times since the Garden of Eden. One that will continue to change, or should I say evolve through time.

Ruth 1:15-17 The Message

15 Naomi said, "Look, your sister-in-law is going back home to live with her own people and gods; go with her."
16-17 But Ruth said, "Don't force me to leave you; don't make me go home. Where you go, I go; and where you live, I'll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I'll die, and that's where I'll be buried, so help me God—not even death itself is going to come between us!"

Imagine Ruth sticking with her mother-in-law even after her husband dies. God gave Naomi the family that she needed to continue to survive. Would God do any less for us?

I praise God for my Family and my "Family".


Lord,

Thank you, thank you, thank you! You know my needs way before I've even begun to think about them. You support me in ways I can not even imagine. I praise you for your constant love!

Birthdays and Loneliness

Ah.. once again another year older. I've never been one that fears or gets upset over birthdays. I guess that is just part of my nature. So on with the rest of my babbling!

What is the difference between being lonely and being alone? Tonight, driving along down the interstate the thought occurred to me that I was lonely. I've been surrounded by my family and friends for the entire weekend and yet I'm lonely. How is it possible for one to be around people, though not just people around people that they truly care about and still be lonely. Is there no real correlation between alone and lonely.

Where does this feeling on loneliness stem from? Is it caused by uneasiness in my heart? Is it caused by my not feeling secure? Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing?

I can't say that I've felt lonely lately before the last week. But in this time period I've come to a point where I see in myself the loneliness creeping in. What can I do? Where can I turn?

I know that God uses these negative feelings to help us become stronger, and yet I know I can;t see where this one is going. I need advice. I need guidance. I need a clearer picture.

I'm walking once again by my creek, I'm feeling lonely taking each step. I'm not understanding my inner turmoil, and I can't expect others to understand it either.

I'm going around a curve and it's so dark I can't see anything ahead. I can feel the mist of the water near my feet. The current of the creek is swift, rushing, not babbling like it usually does.
I take a few more steps on the slick rocks. Stepping, lonely, but not alone.

Lord,

Please take this feeling of loneliness and do with it what you desire. Use it to make me stronger in you. Help me to see where it is going or give me the faith I need to trust through my blind stumbles.

When do we stop?

This week was really hard. It seemed like every time things were beginning to settle down, the just keep getting worse.

Have you ever felt like you are trapped in traffic in the fast lane and have no choice but to drive at speeds outside of your comfort zone.

Well maybe not the best example. I guess I really don't have to give a real example for this because it is part of all of our lives. All this running and crazyness(literal) seems to make us more and more anxious and unable to settle down.

The snow storm did not help the week. It actually caused some more headaches.

1. I'm essential personnel. Therefore no matter what happens(Snow) I have to get to work. It took and hour and 15 minutes to go the less than 20 miles to work.

2. Our house was inhabited by and unexpected guest all week. It is essentially my fault, becuase I invited the guest to stay Monday and Tuesday, but not through friday.

Last night I just got to the point of no return. I really needed out of the situation. I needed time to myself. I needed to relax.

Thanks to my friends the guest has vacated as of this morning. I was able to take the day off and chill. I did NOTHING today. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I'm really happy because the day off today will make it so I can enjoy the Sabbath tomorrow. I don't think I could have been myself at church tomorrow without the day to unwind today.

I actually had some plans today but everything fell through. It's funny that usually I would have been upset that my plans were cancelled, but I'm not. I guess once again God planned out today so that I could relax and become less stressed. What can I say, God is good!

It makes me thing about the following text taking from the first part of:

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God

One of the pastors at our church used this text last week in her sermon. She also used the same text from The Message:

Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
loving look at me, your High God

Wow, did I need that this week. Stepping out of the traffic of my week was not on my mind as I began the week, but God know what I needed. God placed the actions in place so that I would be able to step out.

It's amazing that when I allowed God to begin to open your eyes, there became no question how much He loves me!

I need to step out and be still more often.

Lord,

Thank you so much for giving me this time with you, I have already come to enjoy and look forward to it. Renew my life and bring me that deeper understanding of you that I desire.

Love and Life

Love is such an easy subject to talk about. When you turn on the radio, how many songs are about love? Movies? Television? We are surrounded by it.

Especially around Valentines Day. Red hearts, Roses, Chocolate.

Yet that same love can bring a lot of hurt. Why are we so obsessed with love?

Driving back from a Valentines day dinner with a couple of my best friends, I was listening to the radio. They were talking about Love, AGAIN! Even on the Christian station! I really wanted to turn the station, but the caller had an interesting perspective.

She had been hurt so many times, searching and searching for love. God gave her an answer, but not in the form she thought. She and a group of 8 women had turned themselves into a support for each other. They were holding each other up though the hard times. She stated that through the support of this group she's given her persuit of "love" over to God. She now stated that she was genuinely happy single. WOW!

I've heard over and over that we don't know the reasons behind God's plan. Does he want me to be single? Is God going to give me that love?

As I though more about what the woman had said on the radio, I was brought to the spot where I realized that I'm not alone. I had three awesome, single friends that went out together and supported each other on one of the hardest nights of the year for single people. Isn't that great!

So I'm not sure why at this point I am single. I'm not sure of God's plan. I just know that God has given me the support system to survive. How often are we blind to such things? Do we not see them because our focus is elsewhere?

My Pastor said in a sermon one week that as humans we are made to be in relationships. Most people shut down their thinking there, focusing solely on a committed love realtionship. But here is where my Pastor steps out from the ordinary and points out the many different types of relationships. His comment about types of relationships hit home, but not at that moment in church. His comments went right into my head that day, but I was like those others that were focused on "love".

His comments hit home for me tonight. Maybe, just maybe, God wants something different for me. I've never thought of that before. Maybe my relationships are going to be different.

I'm still trudging down my non-path. The snow from yesterday has made the way rather slippery. I've fallen a couple times just today, my mind tells me to just sit and wait for the snow to melt, but God's hand has picked me up, dried my tears and brushed the snow off of me. He's taken a few steps for me to get me a little further through the hard parts before he sets me down again. I can feel him just behind me waiting to catch me if I fall again.

He's always been right there ready to help me. Even in ways I didn't even realize.

I just have to open my eyes and see!

Here is one of my favorite passages from Proverbs 3: 5-6

5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I'm letting him direct this path.


Lord,

Tonight I want you to keep directing my path. The way is rough right now, but I know there is a clearing coming up soon. Help me to keep trusting!

Pure as snow, or is it just a cover up?

Snow is such an interesting thing. It can cover all the uglyness of the world in just a few minutes and yet it is still there. Snow is actually one of the greatest deceivers.

When I was born I was pure, right? OR was I already flawed?

We are born into sin...born with these flaws. We can work so hard to overcome some "dirty" parts and yet we can never become pure.

I was talking to a friend once that said he had been snowed. I'd never heard the phrase before but I guess it was a phrase of his childhood because it rollled off his tongue so easily. He had been victum of a great deception by another person. My friend has trusted this person only to find out that this person had covered things up.

I contemplated the concept of being snowed. How much snow does it take to cover up a sin? Can all the snow in Buffalo really cover it up?

I see groups of christians shaking their heads agreeing with me and knowing exactly what I'm going to say next.

But since this is my wooded path I'm going to skip that "blood" line and move on.

We use the analogy of blood so much. Washed in the Blood. Cleansed by the Blood.

Jesus does cleanse us with his blood, but the key is afterward. Once we accept we are pure. No final judgement, Jesus already did that. No more scars, Jesus did that too! We know we will make it out alive. Now I'll still get these scrapes from the thorns along the way and I might stumble, break a leg (Pastor Newman) or worse. But in the end I'm still pure.

This is from one of my Mom's favorite Hymns from Psalms 51:7.

Whiter Than Snow

Lord Jesus, I long to be perfectly whole;
I want Thee forever to live in my soul.
Break down every idol, cast out every foe;
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Refrain
Whiter than snow, yes, whiter than snow.
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

I love that phrase. Whiter than snow!
God's plan is for us to be whiter. It's not just a cover up. It's more.

Lord,

Be with me tonight and tomorrow. As the storm rages outside bring peace to my heart.
Wash me and cleanse me. Make me whiter than snow!

In The Beginning... was Faith

I'm not sure where it went... is what I've caught myself thinking, over an over again. I know this describes so many different things in life.

I'm not sure where time went! I'm once again turning another year older this next weekend and I think where did the time go?

I'm not sure where my innocence went! I look at things in my life and I think how did I get so far into this!

I'm not sure where my day went! Running from place to place and yet I'm back in bed preparing for tomorrow.

I'm not sure where the pizza went! Well that I can tell you!

I'm not sure where my faith went! Good question.

Matthew 18:3-4
Verse 3 And He said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Verse 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Imagine having that child-like faith again. I never doubted that I was good enough to go to heaven because I knew I was going. Where does that doubt come from? That doubt that seems to so easily keep our faith down. That doubt that keeps us questioning am I good enough? That doubt that keeps us trying to do it all on our own! I can't do it!

Here I am stumbling through my non-path. Even though it is along the brook it still is not a clear path. I keep looking ahead to try and see if it gets any easier, but can't see around the bend. So I keep climbing along through the branches and thorns. I'm giving to you, Lord. I'm giving over to the kid in me, and beginning to look forward to the next adventure.



Lord,

Take my pride, my doubt, my stubbornness and my need for control!

Replace them with your faith, because I can't do it anymore.

Starting Again

Blogs come and blogs go...

I read once in a blog that blogging just to blog is not what blogging is about. So instead I'm going to start a new blog to get deeper into me. I'm making God in charge of this blog and the time I spend here will be my time with Him. If you don't like that click on that next blog arrow in the top right hand corner and go somewhere!

Tonight as I sit here contemplating life I feel apprehensive about the next turn my life will take. I'm finding it very hard to communicate with God because I feel I have shut Him out so much. I want God to be closer and yet I feel the urge to want to stay in control. I know I can't have it both ways and yet I tend to let God go instead of letting go.

Do I subconsiously want God to change for me? I mean I always have to be in control of things, make sure things go off without a hitch. Controling life, school work. EVERYTHING! What do I want? Am I really wanting God to take my everything? Am I that trusting today?

I'm walking down my non-path right now. I feel the scrapes of the thorn bushes on my side, stumbling over the rocks in the creekbed. So many things are in my way, and yet a trudge forward. Not really sure where I am going right now. I'm still not trusting because I can still see I'm walking along that babbling stream. So there are no steps of faith, no give up of control, no letting go.

Where am I going?