I've got a lot of things running through my head today. I figured it is time to write them out so that hopefully God can help to order them into some type of normality.
It's been a hard couple of months since I last wrote on here. I am still surviving. :-) God has been good to me, ordering the steps of my life and placing me in one of the best positions I have been in for a long time.
God has reaffirmed and adjusted the friendships in my life and has helped me to see the people that I can really depend on to see me through. God has also given me a clearer view of the purpose he sees for my life.
It's interesting when God reveals his purpose for your life to you. That purpose most of the time does not fit the idea that you had for yourself. The really nice part is that the purpose I see, God has already given me the tools and attributes to be successful. He already knew.
What an amazing God we serve that he can give us what we need before we even need it. I was talking to my cousin Shelly a couple weekends ago about this very thing. God gave us a strong family base to help us to get through the trials that our entire family is going through right now. He knew the relationships that we would need to help each other through.
God continues to amaze me by being there for me in the times where I feel I am the farthest away from Him. In those times where I have pushed Him away and have begun to feel like I can make it through by myself, he taps me on my shoulder reminding me that I first need to rely on him. He is my strength. He knows my loneliness and fears. He knows when I need comfort. He knows me.
I'm realizing more and more that I cannot expect for friends and family to be there through each and every trial that I go through. I can only expect God to be there. The nice thing is that I know I will be supported by those friends and family anyway. But God is my expectation.... God will not fail me... He will be there always.
In the middle of the storm...He's there.
In the middle of the night...He's there.
In the middle of my chaos...He's there.
In the middle of my hurt...He's there.
He is there. He knows me better than I know myself.
What a glorious God we serve.
Jeremiah 1:5 NIV
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
Lord,
Be with my Father, my family and my friends. We all need your loving arms wrapped around us through these hard times. Pour our you comfort especially on Mom right now. She needs to feel your presence, Lord. We need your assurance that everything is working our according to your plan. Please be with my prayer list.
Brie!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Worry
Yesterday, I was able to spend some time with my family. It was my cousins 40th birthday and it was so nice to show up and see her get emotional. I really have come to appreciate my family through these hard times.
I got to have a couple nice long talks with my Aunt Peach and I have to say that the more we talk the more I am at peace with the chaos that is in our lives right now.
Dad had a very hard day yesterday, and after the long drive to Hagerstown, they ended up going back home after a couple hours. I worry about how much this round of Chemo is taking out of him. It seems that a good quality of life is non-existent at this point. He seems to be getting worse off by the week.
I know Mom is getting drained as well. I miss the times that we were able to just get away at the shore and enjoy time. I have to keep focused on the good times and being there for my parents in any way imaginable.
One good thing I saw yesterday, was when my Aunt Peach and I were talking in the kitchen, My brother came in and ended up in the conversation too. I got to see him get a little emotional for an change. It was good to see since he has been more focused on being the strong one in the family. We talked about knowing that God has a plan and reason for what we are going through right now. My Brother brought up that if just one person comes to God because of this it would be worth it. I really felt the Holy Spirit working on my brother.
I know that God works in His own way. His plans are way beyond our comprehension. We just have to keep trusting in that plan.
Lord,
I want to thank you for bringing my family together yesterday. It was hard to see Dad struggle. Please continue to be with him and strengthen him. If it is your will Lord, I ask that you heal him. Be with my family in a special way today. Continue to give us your strength through these hard times. We need you to shine through each of us. I thank you for giving us each new day.
I love You,
Brie!
I got to have a couple nice long talks with my Aunt Peach and I have to say that the more we talk the more I am at peace with the chaos that is in our lives right now.
Dad had a very hard day yesterday, and after the long drive to Hagerstown, they ended up going back home after a couple hours. I worry about how much this round of Chemo is taking out of him. It seems that a good quality of life is non-existent at this point. He seems to be getting worse off by the week.
I know Mom is getting drained as well. I miss the times that we were able to just get away at the shore and enjoy time. I have to keep focused on the good times and being there for my parents in any way imaginable.
One good thing I saw yesterday, was when my Aunt Peach and I were talking in the kitchen, My brother came in and ended up in the conversation too. I got to see him get a little emotional for an change. It was good to see since he has been more focused on being the strong one in the family. We talked about knowing that God has a plan and reason for what we are going through right now. My Brother brought up that if just one person comes to God because of this it would be worth it. I really felt the Holy Spirit working on my brother.
I know that God works in His own way. His plans are way beyond our comprehension. We just have to keep trusting in that plan.
Lord,
I want to thank you for bringing my family together yesterday. It was hard to see Dad struggle. Please continue to be with him and strengthen him. If it is your will Lord, I ask that you heal him. Be with my family in a special way today. Continue to give us your strength through these hard times. We need you to shine through each of us. I thank you for giving us each new day.
I love You,
Brie!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Adjustment time...
When God works in your life, you have to be prepared for life to change quickly and drastically. Most of the time things change and it takes some time to get used to the changes. I think that is the period that I am going through now.
There are going to be aspects of my life that are going to change in the next few weeks. It's going to take time for me to adjust to these changes. I have not worked a 9 to 5 job for over a year. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared.
This is a time where I'll have to rely on God to keep guiding and helping me through each day. He knows the challenges that I will go through. He knows the support that I'm going to need along the way.
I'm glad that God knows my needs before they come up. I am glad that God has given me friends to help me get through each day. I am glad that God has given me a supportive family.
The one thing that I need to do is continue to rely on God through the good times. When I became employed before and things became comfortable, I began to rely on myself. I have to keep my focus on God. He will work things out for me. I need to remind myself each day that God is taking care of my needs and burdens. He has them under his control. He does not need me to do anything but trust in Him.
When I take things back into my hands and start trusting in myself, it means that I am not trusting solely in God. When we do not trust in God, He does not always allow us to have all of the blessings that He could give us.
Numbers 20:6-12 NIV
Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
When Moses struck the rock, he was not trusting in God. Even though God still gave the Israelites a blessing, He did not allow Moses to complete the journey. God had a better idea in store for Moses, but because Moses did not trust, that life changed. It was cut short. Moses never was able to see the end result of his work.
How many times do we stop trusting and expect God to still come through with blessings? Do we expect the best from life even through we are not following and trusting in God? In order for us to live within God's plan, we have to trust in Him 24/7.
Lord,
Please give me the strength and conviction to keep focused on my relationship with You. I know that You have a wonderful plan for me that is much better than I could even imagine. Please be with my prayer requests, especially my Parents and R. I praise you for giving us some good days with Dad. It is so good to see him doing better.
I love You!
Brie!
There are going to be aspects of my life that are going to change in the next few weeks. It's going to take time for me to adjust to these changes. I have not worked a 9 to 5 job for over a year. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared.
This is a time where I'll have to rely on God to keep guiding and helping me through each day. He knows the challenges that I will go through. He knows the support that I'm going to need along the way.
I'm glad that God knows my needs before they come up. I am glad that God has given me friends to help me get through each day. I am glad that God has given me a supportive family.
The one thing that I need to do is continue to rely on God through the good times. When I became employed before and things became comfortable, I began to rely on myself. I have to keep my focus on God. He will work things out for me. I need to remind myself each day that God is taking care of my needs and burdens. He has them under his control. He does not need me to do anything but trust in Him.
When I take things back into my hands and start trusting in myself, it means that I am not trusting solely in God. When we do not trust in God, He does not always allow us to have all of the blessings that He could give us.
Numbers 20:6-12 NIV
Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the LORD appeared to them. The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."
So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."
When Moses struck the rock, he was not trusting in God. Even though God still gave the Israelites a blessing, He did not allow Moses to complete the journey. God had a better idea in store for Moses, but because Moses did not trust, that life changed. It was cut short. Moses never was able to see the end result of his work.
How many times do we stop trusting and expect God to still come through with blessings? Do we expect the best from life even through we are not following and trusting in God? In order for us to live within God's plan, we have to trust in Him 24/7.
Lord,
Please give me the strength and conviction to keep focused on my relationship with You. I know that You have a wonderful plan for me that is much better than I could even imagine. Please be with my prayer requests, especially my Parents and R. I praise you for giving us some good days with Dad. It is so good to see him doing better.
I love You!
Brie!
Monday, September 22, 2008
I GOT A JOB!
How quickly a day can change. I've never cried so much in my life. God really came through with the GWU job! I still can not believe that it is true! I don't start until October 5th, but I'm so excited I'm sure I won't mind waiting.
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just when things seem to hit rock bottom, God gives an awesome blessing that only He could give! What an awesome God we serve!!!
God is GOOD!!!
Brie!
Just Another Manic Monday?
Once again Monday has brought my life to a strange place. Actually it started last night talking with Mom and finding out that Dad's nausea and vomiting has returned. It happened through Saturday and Sunday nights.
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
The Oncologist still does not know what to do except telling him to take the medication and keeping him on this current round of chemo. I know that everytime Dad gets sick it makes Mom sick too. We worry about what is really going on behind it all, but no one really seems to know.
Just a little while ago, I had a conversation with R that though it started ok, it turned into a explanation from him that our friendship is creating tension in his relationship. He told me that he was taking me off his IM list. Left things open for me to contact him, but he was not going to initiate any conversation. I have tried my best to not overstep my bounds. He said that he felt I did, but that he realized that it was not intentional on my part. I honestly feel that him cutting off communication was more for him then for anything. I guess God has decided to have us close this door at this time. R told me that he is putting more of himself into the relationship. He also told me that they are having a ceremony in the spring. Sounds kind of fast to me, but I guess they want to tie it all up soon. I wish them the best and I really hope that they are letting God lead in their lives.
I'm glad that this has brought some closure to me. I feel like I will still have a hard time, but I will get through with God. God is telling me that it is not meant to be at this time and I am following His lead. I am claiming that he has something better for me out there.
I'm waiting for a response about the job from GWU. I've come to terms with the possibility that God may not want me to be there. I've also come to the realization that if not I'm going forward with plans to move back to my parents house. It will be a big adjustment, but I feel it may be where God needs me to be.
I ask that anyone who reads my blog to pray hard for the Lords leading in my life. I don't want to take any step without his guidance.
I think I've used this one before, but it applies to what I feel God is asking me to do at this time:
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
Lord,
I am waiting... It seems like everything is coming more and more to a head every day. I still can not handle it by myself so I am asking that You take all of these burdens and help me to heal and get through each day. Be with my prayer requests and especially R, Mom and Dad.
I love You!
Brie!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Up and down!
Why is it whenever I feel like I make a few steps forward, I take even more backwards? I give my problems over to the Lord, only to take them back. It seems like I do this over and over again.
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
I've had some weird emotions come up the last few days that I really feel are the Devil trying to keep me down. I've been even been getting upset at the stupidest things and blowing things out of proportion in my own mind.
When I take something on in my head, it seems to run through it until there is a solution. The problem is that the things in my life that are not going right, are things that can not be figured out. Hence, I hit a wall of frustration. Then add on top of it, if I mistake a statement or situation then I can totally over think things until I become a mess.
Tonight, God reminded me that I have to give things over to Him. I still believe that letting God totally lead is a hard thing to do, but I realize that I can't do it. I can't take on the issues that are in my life right now. They are all things that can't be figured out.
It once again reminds me of having the faith of a child. I remember times where as a child I never questioned that things were going to be alright, because I knew that Mom and Dad had them under control. Do I have less faith in God? Can I trust Him to work things out? Has he ever let me down before?
I know the answers to these questions and yet I still have to remember to give my burdens over to the Lord. He knows how things will work out. I have no clue.
I think the real issue with us giving things over to God is that we want our will to be done.
"If I can meddle in this a little bit I can turn things my way!"
"If I can just add a little guilt it will help them change their mind!"
"If I pray harder God will have to heal him!"
"If I call in a couple favors or talk up my experience I'll get that job!"
Like God needs my help to do anything! I have to remember that my desires are not always God's desires. God is never going to force me to his way. He might heavily persuade me, but he will not force me. I believe that when I don't do God's will that it changes the "better" outcome that God wanted for us.
I believe that God wanted Jonah to work to save the people of Nineveh. When Jonah finally went he was halfhearted about it and later sat and waited for God to destroy the city. But the people of Nineveh repented and turned from their evil ways. Imagine how different it would have been if Jonah had truly followed God's path. He would have joined in rejoicing with the people there instead of being upset that God did not destroy the city.
Jonah 3:10-4:1
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.
How many times do we become angry when things do not go our way. We have to remember that God is in control. He works things out for His glory. I believe that I have to lay down these burdens everyday to keep from becoming angry about them in the future. I know that God has my back! He's is looking out for my best interest. I believe that God has a blessing out there for me!
Lord,
As I sit and recommit my burdens over to you, I pray that you take them one by one and do your will with them. Give me the trust in You that I had as a child! Guide me in what I need to do. I praise you for giving me glimpses of how you have worked in my life in the past, this gives me more confidence in the future. I know that you will not let me down. Be with my prayer requests, Lord. Please help me keep my chin up, looking toward you. Keep a praise on my lips and renew your love and strength in my heart.
I love You,
Brie!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Focusing on the blessings!
The last day has really been testing my strength. Through it all I have friends and family worried about me. Seems like everything just came to a head and reality struck once again.
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
Last night, I stopped by my friend N's house to pick up some stuff that I had left at a pool party a couple weeks ago. We got talking and a short stop turned into three hours. N is an old friend from my college days that we had kind of fallen out of touch. Though we see each other frequently, we have not really been able to catch up. It was so good to catch up with her. We got into some real deep discussions sharing a lot of what is going on in each others life.
The one thing I know about myself is that I process things best when I can talk them out. It really helped me to get my thoughts and things back out in the air so I could see what was what. I was pointing out how I felt like I had no direction, but N brought me back to my conversation with God last week, reminding me that God already gave me the direction, my focus needs to be on my parents. I though a lot about this last night and I feel she is right.
Why is it that when we think of ourselves we tend to get down? What is it that makes us want so much? Why do we focus on the negative?
I thought about another person in my life. He is always worrying, discouraged and complaining. Though I care about him, I can only take him in small doses. You hardly ever hear his positives.
I guess our brains are the same way. The more we focus in on what is going wrong in life the more life brings us down. God knows this and that is why He tells us to focus on the positive:
Philipians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
I'm trying to focus on the positive. Things like Dad is having a really good week. Each day is showing an improvement from the prior. PRAISE GOD! R is able to be there for his partner and his family. PRAISE GOD! I really feel I have a chance at the GWU job. PRAISE GOD! I have friends like S, N, R, M and G! PRAISE GOD! I have an incredible and supportive family. PRAISE GOD! My bills are still paid after 5 months of being unemployed. PRAISE GOD!
In all God has been very good to me.
Lord,
Help me to stay focused on the positives of life. As my list of praises gets longer, I want you to help bring them to mind each and every day. Please be with my Parents and Family, R and all, my job search, and all the other things that you know I'm forgetting. Most of all I thank you for being there for me through this hard time. Guiding my every step. I know my life is going to be better because you are blazing my path!
I love You,
Brie!
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