It's funny how people come and go through your life without the blink of an eye. I've gone through numerous close friends that are now just a mere memory. But I've also seen many friends come and stay for a long time.
Today, I am thinking of my best friend. He's made a decision to move to Hawaii to pursue a new degree. I have to say that I'm ecstatic for him following his dreams, and yet I'm very scared for him and myself.
M is the yin to my yang. We are exact opposites both personality wise and as far as our birthdates are concerned. And yet we are bet friends.
We all know from magnets that opposites attract, and that has never been so clear as with M and I. We rarely fight or have a heated disagreement. We throw ideas at each other, knowing that the other has our best interest at heart. We are there to support each other through the rough times. We piss each other off at all the right times. He tells me what I don't want to hear. There are times when he can voice what is in my head without my needing to say it. He is my constant adviser and worst critic.
I am really not sure how my life is going to change with him 5,000 miles away. Will we loose touch? Will he still be there for me? Will he call me when he's hurting and lonely?
It is amazing how distance can change a friendship. As humans we are very much in tune to the out of sight, out of mind philosophy. I wonder how much M will be crossing my mind and vice versa.
He hates it when I say he is my little brother, but he is family to me. He is my brother.
Proverbs 17:17 NIV
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
I love how the Message states it.
17 Friends love through all kinds of weather,
and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.
I will always love M.
God has given me a wonderful support network, and yet that is being changed now as well. I don't know where this year will take me, but I do know that God has a plan.
Lord,
Thank you for giving me a strong group of friends that are supportive of me. In this time of change, please be with M and I as things change. Help us to be able to come out of this situation better than we started. I love you Lord.
Brie!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
What happened???
I'm really not sure if I am ever going to actually post this entry.
During my time of walking away from God a lot of things happened, one of which was that I ended up in a relationship. It was very interesting because neither of us really decided to pursue a relationship, it just kind of happened. It ended when C decided it was not what he wanted at this time. Since the we have been working on our friendship, but it's very disjointed and confusing.
I'm actually glad that the relationship did not go any further, because now this and other aspects have forced me into a very reflective spot where I need to evaluate the why behind things. It also is a time where I need to make some decisions.
During my time at Annapolis Rock, I did some soul searching and realized that God was not part of my relationship. Brings back to mind that unequally yoked text. I mean we talked about it in the beginning, but I was unconsciously walking away from God and it made that part seem less important.
I found myself filling my life with things and this relationship was one of them. Now, I'm not saying that the relationship was bad, I'm saying that I was using it to fill the emptiness that was left when I did not have God in my heart.
It's amazing how quickly we try to fill that empty space in our hearts. We try so hard to fill it with money, possessions, relationships, food. Anything to make us feel better at that time.
A good friend of mine does so much work to fill that hole in their life. It seems that they are always filling it with the next thing. They get into one practice thinking that it will fill them up. When that practice fails after a few weeks it is off to discovering the next practice.
I've been filling it with work, relationship and friends. The one thing I know is that God always has the upper hand when it comes to my life. He quickly shook up my comfort, took away my job. Shook up my life, took away my relationship. He sent people in to give me the wake up call.
I'm waking up, slowly.
I need to remember that no job, no relationship, no friend can replace God. He gave everything for me, gave me everything, and yet I pushed him away.
God has a plan for my life. I need to let him drive and stop getting in the way. Then he can give me the job he wants me to have, give me the relationship that is built around Him, and give me the life he envisions for me.
It's not about what I want to do anymore, it's about what he wants me to do.
I SURRENDER ALL
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
Lord,
Be with me through these rough times. Help give me the strength to make the decisions that you want me to make. Be with my ex, my friends and my family. I give it all to you.
Brie!
During my time of walking away from God a lot of things happened, one of which was that I ended up in a relationship. It was very interesting because neither of us really decided to pursue a relationship, it just kind of happened. It ended when C decided it was not what he wanted at this time. Since the we have been working on our friendship, but it's very disjointed and confusing.
I'm actually glad that the relationship did not go any further, because now this and other aspects have forced me into a very reflective spot where I need to evaluate the why behind things. It also is a time where I need to make some decisions.
During my time at Annapolis Rock, I did some soul searching and realized that God was not part of my relationship. Brings back to mind that unequally yoked text. I mean we talked about it in the beginning, but I was unconsciously walking away from God and it made that part seem less important.
I found myself filling my life with things and this relationship was one of them. Now, I'm not saying that the relationship was bad, I'm saying that I was using it to fill the emptiness that was left when I did not have God in my heart.
It's amazing how quickly we try to fill that empty space in our hearts. We try so hard to fill it with money, possessions, relationships, food. Anything to make us feel better at that time.
A good friend of mine does so much work to fill that hole in their life. It seems that they are always filling it with the next thing. They get into one practice thinking that it will fill them up. When that practice fails after a few weeks it is off to discovering the next practice.
I've been filling it with work, relationship and friends. The one thing I know is that God always has the upper hand when it comes to my life. He quickly shook up my comfort, took away my job. Shook up my life, took away my relationship. He sent people in to give me the wake up call.
I'm waking up, slowly.
I need to remember that no job, no relationship, no friend can replace God. He gave everything for me, gave me everything, and yet I pushed him away.
God has a plan for my life. I need to let him drive and stop getting in the way. Then he can give me the job he wants me to have, give me the relationship that is built around Him, and give me the life he envisions for me.
It's not about what I want to do anymore, it's about what he wants me to do.
I SURRENDER ALL
All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
Lord,
Be with me through these rough times. Help give me the strength to make the decisions that you want me to make. Be with my ex, my friends and my family. I give it all to you.
Brie!
What happens to us?
Hey all,
I've been looking back over my life the last six months and I've been reminded of a lot of things that have happened in my life.
Six months ago, I was on a spiritual quest.
My life was crazy:
Dad was in the hospital with cancer.
I had no job.
Money was extremely tight.
Was on the edge of giving up my apartment.
God came through in the biggest way. Got Dad on a long road toward recovery, Gave me a job. Put me on top of the world in just a couple days.
It's amazing how God can change your down to up in seconds.
But then comfort kicked in. Quickly all the things I worried about were not as bad anymore. I did not consciously decide it, but I slowly walked away from God.
How is it that when things get good, we forget who gave them to us? We forget about the amazing things He has gotten us through. We forget how He picked us up from the rubble and made us safe.
I got a wake up call this past month.
Laid off from my job.
Car got stolen from in front of my apartment.
Gave up my Apartment. (Seems Logical!)
My relationship ended.
All this in about three weeks.
Yet through it God was whispering.
He sent word through my Dad, "You have not blogged for a while."
He sent word through Pastor Kumar, "Haven't see you at church for a bit. Everything okay?"
He sent word through Dad again, relating that his walk has been harder lately because he was not spending as much time with God.
So I'm back. Church has been great! You never realize how much you miss it until you go back.
Two weeks ago I took a day off for some alone time with God. I took my Bible and a journal and pen. I hiked to Annapolis rock and spent the night. Quiet time can be hard. If you've read my past entries you know I was having a hard time with 10 minutes and now I was gone indefinitely.
When I got away my mind was racing. I prayed God would help settle my mind and clear my thoughts.
During that time I came tomany conclusions about myself. One is that my comfort or success as the world sees it varies indirectly with my relationship with God. So the more comfortable I get (extra money, less bills) the less I look toward God.
It seems that the more comfortable we get the less we think we need God. Instead we indulge in the comforts of the world. I don't want my life to keep going down that path. I need a change.
Lord,
Help me to be the person that you want me to be. Help keep me on the path toward You. This world is full of distractions and roadblocks. Many are shiny and get my attention quickly. Help me to see through those distractions and help me to understand what I continuing to keep me back. I praise you for all the good you have brought into my life. Be with my family and friends.
I Love You,
Brie
I've been looking back over my life the last six months and I've been reminded of a lot of things that have happened in my life.
Six months ago, I was on a spiritual quest.
My life was crazy:
Dad was in the hospital with cancer.
I had no job.
Money was extremely tight.
Was on the edge of giving up my apartment.
God came through in the biggest way. Got Dad on a long road toward recovery, Gave me a job. Put me on top of the world in just a couple days.
It's amazing how God can change your down to up in seconds.
But then comfort kicked in. Quickly all the things I worried about were not as bad anymore. I did not consciously decide it, but I slowly walked away from God.
How is it that when things get good, we forget who gave them to us? We forget about the amazing things He has gotten us through. We forget how He picked us up from the rubble and made us safe.
I got a wake up call this past month.
Laid off from my job.
Car got stolen from in front of my apartment.
Gave up my Apartment. (Seems Logical!)
My relationship ended.
All this in about three weeks.
Yet through it God was whispering.
He sent word through my Dad, "You have not blogged for a while."
He sent word through Pastor Kumar, "Haven't see you at church for a bit. Everything okay?"
He sent word through Dad again, relating that his walk has been harder lately because he was not spending as much time with God.
So I'm back. Church has been great! You never realize how much you miss it until you go back.
Two weeks ago I took a day off for some alone time with God. I took my Bible and a journal and pen. I hiked to Annapolis rock and spent the night. Quiet time can be hard. If you've read my past entries you know I was having a hard time with 10 minutes and now I was gone indefinitely.
When I got away my mind was racing. I prayed God would help settle my mind and clear my thoughts.
During that time I came tomany conclusions about myself. One is that my comfort or success as the world sees it varies indirectly with my relationship with God. So the more comfortable I get (extra money, less bills) the less I look toward God.
Matthew 19:23-24 (New International Version)
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
It seems that the more comfortable we get the less we think we need God. Instead we indulge in the comforts of the world. I don't want my life to keep going down that path. I need a change.
Lord,
Help me to be the person that you want me to be. Help keep me on the path toward You. This world is full of distractions and roadblocks. Many are shiny and get my attention quickly. Help me to see through those distractions and help me to understand what I continuing to keep me back. I praise you for all the good you have brought into my life. Be with my family and friends.
I Love You,
Brie
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