Have you ever been struck by uncontrollable panic? It totally hit me today. I've been working on classes for recertification all summer and today was the final day of class. Now I know that everyone out there would be relieved and wonder why I would panic, but I now have nothing to do for the rest of the summer.
Things that are causing my panic:
No Job: I honestly thought that I would have a job by now. I took a leap of faith and quit my job to take these classes this summer. I assumed that I would be employed by now and yet I still have nothing.
Money: I have a set amount of money to make it through until I start getting paid again.
Boredom: Yes, I admit that I'm already bored. Have been for the last couple weeks. I'm used to having so much to do that I don't have time to do anything and now I have all the time in the world.
So, this is all new to me. I'm used to having everything under control and planned out.
When I look at the things and people around me and the real issues that people are going through I realize that I am overreacting, but my internal anxiety is real.
I once again am on my path, but don't have any clue what is around the next corner.
Again I have to work on my trust. Why do humans have such issues with trust? I know that Hunter and Loki trust that they will get their cat food refilled and litter box changed. They trust that even through I've forgotten in the past.
God's never let me down, why am I having issues trusting that He already has things figured out.
Matthew 6 (NIV)
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Lord,
I know you already have my summer figured out, but I'm starting to worry and panic. Please comfort me and help me to know that you have it under control. Thank you for all the blessings that you have given me in my life.
Brie!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Cancer and Change.
I've always been told that the major events of our lives sculpt us into the people that we are today. Well, the last few years I've been going through so many things that I feel sculpted raw.
I know it's been a long time since my last blog. You can thank Pastor Kumar for posting on my blog, which sent an email to me.
Since my last blog a lot has happened in my life. My Great Aunt Vera passed away just before Memorial day. I quit my job to go back to school to get recertified to teach in the fall.
The one thing though that has plagued me the most is that my Uncle Bill passed away on July 9th.
Now back to the sculpting. God gives us all people in our lives that help to bring us closer to Him. Many times our parents are the ones that help us learn right from wrong and show us the example of what it is like to be truly Christ-like. Well, I think I am overly fortunate to have the family that I do. I grew up in a very close-knit family that comprised of not only my Parents, but Grandparents and two sets of Aunts and Uncles that are all wonderful examples of Christ. I guess you can say that my family would be the "ideal" when it comes to seeing Christ through others.
Uncle Bill was always an inspiration to me. He was always a positive person, in fact I can not say one time where I ever saw him angry with someone or loose his temper. He was always in tune with God. I never knew him to judge me or others. Uncle Bill was always fun to be around and always had a joke to tell. Laughter was his trademark.
Just over two years ago, Uncle Bill was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. It had already spread throughout his body. He was given just a few weeks to live. I was fortunate enough to get to go see him the day after his diagnosis when our family had an anointing service for him. Uncle Bill was so doped up to prevent his pain that I barely recognized him. For anyone that has ever met him the one thing you always remember is his personality. I did not even see a glimpse of that. This was a very emotional day for me, but through it I came back to God. I realized that day that there is no other way of life that I want to have then to be a Christian. The next week I started back to church.
I praise God that He gave me two more years with my Uncle. He had his ups and downs, but in all I got to see his fun-loving side again. At Thanksgiving in 2005, I got the opportunity to tell Uncle Bill that his experience had brought me back to the Church. The amazing thing is that my going to church has brought a few of my friends back to church as well. Uncle Bill looked me in the eye and said "Then it has all been worth it!" He gave me one of his big bear hugs.
It is said that we won't understand why things happen to us until we get to heaven, but I'm glad that God gave me a glimpse into this one.
God's got the plan, I just have to trust Him.
Lord,
Thanks you for giving me such a positive example as my Uncle Bill. Help me to continue to grow in you. Be with my family and especially my Aunt Peach through this hard time. Wrap your comforting arms around her and comfort her.
Brie!
I know it's been a long time since my last blog. You can thank Pastor Kumar for posting on my blog, which sent an email to me.
Since my last blog a lot has happened in my life. My Great Aunt Vera passed away just before Memorial day. I quit my job to go back to school to get recertified to teach in the fall.
The one thing though that has plagued me the most is that my Uncle Bill passed away on July 9th.
Now back to the sculpting. God gives us all people in our lives that help to bring us closer to Him. Many times our parents are the ones that help us learn right from wrong and show us the example of what it is like to be truly Christ-like. Well, I think I am overly fortunate to have the family that I do. I grew up in a very close-knit family that comprised of not only my Parents, but Grandparents and two sets of Aunts and Uncles that are all wonderful examples of Christ. I guess you can say that my family would be the "ideal" when it comes to seeing Christ through others.
Uncle Bill was always an inspiration to me. He was always a positive person, in fact I can not say one time where I ever saw him angry with someone or loose his temper. He was always in tune with God. I never knew him to judge me or others. Uncle Bill was always fun to be around and always had a joke to tell. Laughter was his trademark.
Just over two years ago, Uncle Bill was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. It had already spread throughout his body. He was given just a few weeks to live. I was fortunate enough to get to go see him the day after his diagnosis when our family had an anointing service for him. Uncle Bill was so doped up to prevent his pain that I barely recognized him. For anyone that has ever met him the one thing you always remember is his personality. I did not even see a glimpse of that. This was a very emotional day for me, but through it I came back to God. I realized that day that there is no other way of life that I want to have then to be a Christian. The next week I started back to church.
I praise God that He gave me two more years with my Uncle. He had his ups and downs, but in all I got to see his fun-loving side again. At Thanksgiving in 2005, I got the opportunity to tell Uncle Bill that his experience had brought me back to the Church. The amazing thing is that my going to church has brought a few of my friends back to church as well. Uncle Bill looked me in the eye and said "Then it has all been worth it!" He gave me one of his big bear hugs.
It is said that we won't understand why things happen to us until we get to heaven, but I'm glad that God gave me a glimpse into this one.
God's got the plan, I just have to trust Him.
Lord,
Thanks you for giving me such a positive example as my Uncle Bill. Help me to continue to grow in you. Be with my family and especially my Aunt Peach through this hard time. Wrap your comforting arms around her and comfort her.
Brie!
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